In view of your reply to my earlier post, it's somewhat ironic that I was taken to task on your other thread for offering some explanation, or reason, for your affair with the om, Lonely. .... wry 
If you read it again in the cold light of day, you may see that a large part of that particular post is merely mirroring what you've said about your situation and I've tried to summarise it in a way that may enable you to realise that it has come about because you are not being true to yourself which, in fact, is borne out by you having said "I feel like I've betrayed myself for losing my blooming standards".
To my mind, spending "most days" crying in despair at not knowing what to do is more akin to being a limp dishrag than a stiff washing up brush that gets on with the job regardless, and I used this analogy because it's one I use to berate myself when I procrastinate about getting my act together and doing what needs to be done.
It's easy to vacillate when two options look equally attractive; in your case one leads to living with a man you know has no compunction about cheating and the other to continuing to live with your h who you know has no compunction about cheating. Out of those two choices, as I've said, I reckon you're best off trying to salvage your marriage as you've stated you love your h "stupidly" whereas you only "care a lot" for the om. There's also your dc to consider and, whatever his other faults, you've said that your h is "a good dad".
Having said that you "got sucked in to compliments", I stand by my assertion that the om is an ego boost for you and don't doubt that you have derived some satisfaction, if not enjoyment, from having two men vying for your affections. If the om didn't have a SO I'd say 'why not?' and why not give consideration to living in a ménage à trois?
As for the om's SO's alleged past, it seems I wasn't far off the money in suspecting that you want to punish your h's ow and I now see that the reason why you have no compunction about having, and continuing, an affair with the om is because you consider his SO to be less worthy than you, albeit you failed to make this clear when you said "I think the best thing is to not hurt another women like I've been hurt".
I'm pleased you've channelled some anger and hope you'll direct it where it will have most effect - it's wasted on me as I have no axe to grind against you.
You'll be relieved to know that, after I've posted this response, I won't revisit this thread and will content myself with calling it as I see it dispensing my "pitiful advise" (sic) elsewhere.
I wish you well, Lonely, and hope you'll soon find the strength of mind and purpose to do right by all concerned, including yourself.