I've hurt my husband and I don't know what to do

[Cassie2005]

Basically around a month ago I added a photo of myself and my sister to my Google account on my tablet, I had this photo elsewhere and I liked it. I didn't realize that when I had set up my android tablet I had also set up a Google plus account, so when I added the picture to my google account it also changed it on all my Google services.
A few days later I got notifications from Google plus, mostly from men adding me or writing to me asking me who I am etc. So I worked out how I could block these people then I changed how my name appears on there and removed my picture but I still got a couple of people writing to me so I basically told them to leave me alone etc. I have had nothing since and thought I had sorted it out until my husband pointed out this morning that I had messages from people, it would seem from people who had previously tried to talk to me asking me where I am.
Now my husband is upset thinking that I have been chatting to men online, when that is not the case. He is hurt and understandably so, if I had seen the same on his phone I would also assume that he was up to no good.
The truth is, I have nothing to hide, the whole family use the tablet. This has basically all come about because 1. I signed up to everything without checking when setting up my tablet. 2. I added a pic that went public 3. I responded to the idiots trying to talk to me and I didn't tell my hubby about it at the time.

I think that's what has upset him too, the fact that I didn't tell him about it in the first place. I should have done but I felt stupid, embarrassed and I worried that he would go mad. However now in hind sight it would have just been better if I'd told him in the first place because now we both feel rubbish and I don't think he will ever feel the same about me again.

I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my hubby / family they are my world.

"I think you need a slightly different perspective on this - You're being harassed online and yet, rather than being concerned for you your husband is upset with you. His protests that you did something wrong by not telling him about it and responding to people telling them to leave you alone are ridiculous. Why does he think you are responsible for their bad behaviour? And why would he think you should tell him about every slightly annoying thing that happens to you that you think you've handled?"

Completely this. People have sent you messages that you didn't want, and you're being blamed for it, to the point you've now deleted an account, and you 'think' he's okay with it. Massively over the top.

I get messages from weirdos on facebook, never has it even crossed my mind to mention it to my husband each time, and the one time I did, his reaction was "what an arsehole, for goodness sakes, are you okay?".

You are being blamed for the reactions of other people to an image.

Is he always this controlling?

Yeah, it probably looked a bit bad to him. But if you go on about it now it'll look even worse, like you're trying to make it up to him - like you actually did do something wrong.

I'm afraid you can't actively do anything to help him get over it Cassie. You'll just have to hold your head up high, tell it like it is, and carry on as if nothing's happened (because nothing has happened). I'd be open and explanatory if he wants to ask you about it; show him the things he wants to see; answer the same questions over and over if necessary - for a day or so - and then stop. It'll most likely blow over.

If it doesn't blow over it would seem you have a wider trust issue on your hands.

I agree if this had been the other way round plenty would be saying dont belive him and snoop more.

But op you have done nothing wrong. Its a very easy mistake to make, i do belive after you told him he should have accepted it for what it was, a mistake. I eould show him the medsaged where youv told them to go away. If he tben ki ks up s stink... then thats on him and he needs to suck it up and get ovet himself.

I agree if this had been the other way round plenty would be saying dont belive him and snoop more

Only the paranoid LTB types. But that isn't really the point.

I dont know if people would say to snoop more actually, if it was the other way around.

If it was clear that there were several different people sending them, that they started after a husband had put a picture up and it was on a shared device with no secrecy, I think an OP would be told to stop over reacting.

Had this been on a passcoded private phone that she keeps welded to her side and wouldnt show him, then he would have reason to be suspicious but it doesnt sound like that is the case.

Tell him the truth.

I really don't understand wha the issue is. I'd be questioning the trust in the relationship.

Whoa!! Girls just ask yourself this question.
If you have just discovered messages from other woman to your hubby on a tablet, how would you react?? communication is the key and if I had such a problem like this I would just say to my partner..."just so your aware.." and job done.

Nothing to feel bad about :)

he is upset because he felt that I should have told him about the first incidences when it happened

Then he's being unreasonable. This wasn't a big deal and he's being controlling to think that you should have told him. Told him what? I mean this is basically the online equivalent of being catcalled, or looked at in a public place. It isn't like you tried to hide it, it's just that you didn't think it was significant enough to mention, which is a totally NORMAL thing to think.

I can understand him being upset to see messages about "Where did you go?" because that does sound suspicious but when you explained, and showed him if you wanted to, it should have been the end of it.

and he thinks that I shouldn't have responded to them at all because it has given them ammunition which he is right .

Maybe, but, your responses also weren't encouraging in any way, they were dismissive and clear. So, again, you haven't done anything wrong and it's perfectly fine that you responded. It might have been better not to, but you didn't know that! I think it's quite a normal thing to assume that if somebody unexpectedly messages you it's okay to tell them politely to stop.

From your other posts it sounds like there are massive issues anyway, he sounds jealous and possessive, which is not a good thing.

Whoa!! Girls just ask yourself this question. If you have just discovered messages from other woman to your hubby on a tablet, how would you react?? communication is the key and if I had such a problem like this I would just say to my partner..."just so your aware.." and job done

We're women, not girls. And sheesh @ "hubby"

How would I react? I would automatically assume there was perfectly good and innocent reason, would ask him straight, and would accept the answer. Because, you know, trust? Why would he have to make me aware of it to pre-empt any accusation?

He just needs to get over it? Does he not trust you? Is yours a marriage without trust?

You was confused by accounts linking and we've all been there, and you never replied to these men intact you blocked them and changed your name on the account so you did nothing wrong.

How would I react? We'd probably have a horrified giggle and then I'd tease him he rest of the day about his harem online.

How does he 'overreact' normally, op? Because the usual reaction to a bloke hitting on the wife in real life and the wife going 'eek no!' is, ' is that bothering you? Do you have that or do you need me to say something? You got it, ok cool, you temptress.' NOT jealous overreaction.

Reminds me of the time I inadvertently joined a dating website by clicking something wrong while doing one of those stupid Facebook quizzes.

The site made a very believable profile page from my FB details, that worryingly included things that are not public on my FB page.

I had many replies overnight, all with photos, and more than 20 emails in the morning. I couldn't deactivate the account fast enough.

DH laughed.

and he thinks that I shouldn't have responded to them at all because it has given them ammunition which he is right

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Had you talked to him at the time, I suspect he might well have agreed to you responding in precisely the way you did. After all, it's not as if you said anything that might remotely have been construed as encouraging them.

How would I react? I would probably ask 3 weeks later when I remembered, I'd then accept his answer and laugh at him.