I don't know where to start so bare with me.
I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. They are lovely but can be very challenging. I've been asking DH to take them out without me on a regular basis just for a couple of hours every weekend. He always says that he will, that he does, he'll remind me of the time 3 weeks ago he took them out for an hour after I'd asked him repeatedly. He gives examples of all the things he does, like get up in the night, get up at 6am with them every other morning, put a load of washing in, cooked dinner for me. He does do all of those things with varying levels of regularity. I'm a lot luckier than some women whose husbands don't do anything, I know that.
But I need time alone. Desperately. I need time when I'm not climbed on or screamed at, or having my hair pulled, or rushing around to get milk or crackers. My kids are good children, they're lovely and sweet and mostly know the boundaries but they're still babies and still learning and it can be very hard work.
Since the youngest was born I've needed time to myself more than ever. I gave up work, my friends, my physical fitness, my hobbies and now I really need to reclaim something for myself. All week I feel like I'm being chipped away, and I need time to restore myself at the weekend but I don't get it and the chipping away continues and soon there will be nothing left. DH has never had them both on his own for a whole day. Never.
I've been in tears telling him all this and asking him to make it a regular thing that he takes them out just for 2/3 hours every Saturday but it never happens and I'm at the end of my tether now.
He's finally taken them out now (he's been off work for almost 2 weeks and this is the last opportunity for him to take them so he's gone today for an hour or two after I asked several times) and now I have some time to think, I'm thinking would it be better for us to live apart? That way I could have the kids Monday - Friday like normal, and he could have them every weekend. I would say every other weekend but I'd need to get a job on the weekends to afford my own place. I don't even know if I could... I've found a 3 bed for 525 a month and I could earn around £500 a month if I worked every Saturday and Sunday. I need to work out exactly what child benefit I get and whether that would cover the extra plus food for us all. I don't want to rely on benefits as god know where we'll be if they cut them again, I wouldn't want that hanging over us.
Could I do it? Would it be better? Ideally I'd want to stay in this house and have DH move out but this house is 650 a month which I couldn't afford on my own. At the moment he pays all rent and bills. Crap, bills too. I can't do it can I? Has anyone got a bright idea for me? What can I do? How can I make life better for myself before I get swamped completely?
I'm probably being over-dramatic, they're only children ffs. I just need a break. A regular, reliable break. Sorry I'm rambling I'm just trying to think out loud. Thanks for any advice you can throw my way.