Poss need to break it off

[something2say]

Hi ladies. Your thoughts pls.

I live alone, no children, work full time.
Partner of several years.
Good in lots of ways but possibly not a keeper.

I find him controlling at times, but he doesn't get it. Have never wanted to live with him for this reason.
He has more money than me. I think he would feel he has more say in things.
At times I dislike him because of things he does and says.
He hasn't wanted sex for a long time. I've never been thro this before. When I am happy with him and contented, that always rises up in my mind. 'But we don't have sex!!!'

Current situation is that we are not talking.
I feel guilty for thinking it's over, I just have to tell him.
Don't want to hurt him.
But my friend pointed out that he doesn't think this way when he is being mean to me. Cracks about me being old, and then that I have no sense of humour.

I have talked to him several times about the way he behaves but it slides back.
I suspect this is who he is.
But it is not for me.
But how do I tell him.

Show him this post!

No, that's not good enough.

You just, er, tell him.

Tell him that the relationship is not making you happy.

Have it clear in your mind whether you would accept an offer of "working on things", or whether this is definitely it. (I suspect it is definitely it)

You don't live together or have children together or have any shared finances so it should be logistically reasonably easy.

'I suspect that you are not the one for me, with all your comments so I will bid you adieu and hope you find someone who floats your boat. Bye'.

He will try to cling to me.

That's a good one, that it is not making me happy. I wish it did, but at times it decidedly does not. I got so angry at him yesterday that I walked out without a further word.

Oh. No. This man is not the man for you.

Time to move on.

You are not making me happy.
I don't want to see you any more.
No, you will not fix it. We've already talked about things but you go on behaving as you always do.
No, I do not owe you anything.
Good bye.

Harsh I know.

Do you have any stuff at his house that you can't bring yourself to abandon?

We can't help you DO IT but we can help you be prepared for the things that people say when you try to dump them.

Thanks Trills, for all of those suggestions.
I guess, do I have to have a long drawn out, I owe it to him, conversation? I am not sure how angry and cruel I can or should be, Ie. I don't like you, you are mean at times etc. This will hurt him. But then again, he treats me badly at times and doesn't seem to care about me then. Not that he would agree. In fact, he started twisting it round to say that me saying he was being off was me in fact being off! Which is a classic example of me feeling so angry I could explode. Or just run far far away feeling it is not good for me.

I will have to go there for some stuff yes.

You don't OWE it to him.

"Because being with you does not make me happy" is enough of a reason.

(and yes I say this to women who have been dumped unexpectedly too - it's nice to get a longer explanation but nobody ever owes you one)