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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He's just finished with me

46 replies

shutthebackdoor · 25/03/2016 12:14

My partner of over 2 years has just ended things with me. We have a baby who's 8 months and my sister passed away last month. I'm devastated, I need a hand hold.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 25/03/2016 16:45

He sounds really awful. I think you should move back near to your parents' home. They must miss you a lot, particularly since your sister passed away.

These are for the loss of your sister. After a while you will see the loss of this man isn't worth being upset about.

ptumbi · 25/03/2016 16:50

I think this problem with your 'past' is a con. He is looking for something to end it with, and has lit on something that you cannot deny, or change.

Well rid.

Summerlovinf · 25/03/2016 16:55

Is there someone you can spend time with now? A friend or relative? Sounds like you could do with a cuddle and a friendly chat.

plimsolls · 25/03/2016 17:02

You are well rid.

you have done nothing wrong by sleeping with people in the past. Nothing at all.
you have just lost your sister and instead of supporting you, he has focused on his feelings about something really trivial, petty and irrelevant (I.e your sexual/romantic history).

I would think that he is perhaps the type of person to find an issue whatever your past was like and generate a reason as to why you should feel ashamed/in the wrong.

I think the fact he's whipped up this drama at a time when you are in the midst of a terrible bereavement is a big alarm bell. Either he's emotionally immature and can't handle you having strong feelings outside of the relationship (your grief), or he's taking advantage of your vulnerability or any one of a number of terrible reasons. I can't think of any explanation of his behaviour that would make it OK.

I know it's terribly hard to think about raising your child without him. I suspect -that if he continues to punish you for your past - in the long run it'll be better than raising your child with him.

Can you go and stay with your mum and dad for a little while?

NickiFury · 25/03/2016 17:02

He's an arsehole and I don't for one minute think this is really over. These types of me. Like to periodically dump abruptly so that they get you into a position of submission where you don't dare step out of line in case they do it again. He's done you a favour he really has even if you can't see it just yet.

Original poster

shutthebackdoor · 25/03/2016 17:04

I still have 8 months on my house lease with no get-out clause.

Don't really have too many friends, well not the kind of friends that drop things and come to you in a time of need. I'm meant to be at my parents for an Easter dinner tonight and I couldn't face it. I feel so shit as my mum needs my support right now and I'm being selfish staying home.

OP posts:

Original poster

shutthebackdoor · 25/03/2016 17:04

I still have 8 months on my house lease with no get-out clause.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 25/03/2016 17:05

Pack your bags and take the baby and go to your mum's tonight. She needs you and you need her.

plimsolls · 25/03/2016 17:07

Don't feel selfish for staying at home but also don't feel you have to shut your parents out. They may well want to support you.

If you can stay with your parents for a while for free, you won't be paying twice for your lease and rent on a place close to your parents.

It's worth asking your landlord just in case. I'm just about to be a landlord and if my tenant came to me in your situation, I would find a solution.

Your ex-partner should also retain some financial responsibility for this lease. Are you both on the tenancy agreement? He should be providing something financially anyway because of your child.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 25/03/2016 17:18

op this guy is twisted and wants to hurt you emotionally.

Dh and I laugh at each other's 'mistakes' anf bloody hell I had a few.

Don't for one minute think this is normal behavour. Go see your mum this weekend and ask landlord about early release as my dd was about to get one when her and her ex split up

Chocolatteaddict1 · 25/03/2016 17:19

*dd got an early release

seasideview · 25/03/2016 17:24

So, he can't handle the fact you weren't a virgin when you met? Bloody idiot shouldn't have got you pregnant then! He sounds utterly ridiculous. My DH has slept with about double the number of people I have - because I was in a LTR for 20 years - so it makes sense. I told him about a few ONS that I had when I was single, some pretty awful mistakes and he still loves me and would never judge.

You are well rid of him, you really are.

Pinkheart5915 · 25/03/2016 17:29

Might be worth asking your landlord if you can leave early, I am a landlady and have allowed this in your circumstances.
Remember you are entitled to Maintence for ds? Also if his name is on the tenancy he is liable too.
Oh hunni you should of gone to your family for Easter dinner, you need to be with family.
I do think other posters have been right he used your past as an excuse, the coward! We all have one even him I bet

TunnocksInAHammock · 25/03/2016 17:48

Seriously OP most have us have been around the block. Do not call it a 'mistake'. It's not a mistake, it's living a life and having normal needs surely? I don't call anyone from my past a mistake. By getting out there and putting it about a bit you get to know what you want and exactly what you do not. I think it's perfectly healthy to have had several partners.

He's a pillock. Tell him the 1800's rang and they want him back.

ImperialBlether · 25/03/2016 17:49

Why is the responsibility for your home all yours? He's the one who left. He should be the one sorting out the resulting mess.

ILikeUranus · 25/03/2016 17:55

So he thinks having consensual sex with someone outside of a serious long-term relationship is a horrible 'mistake', but walking out on your dp and baby because of things you knew before they even conceived is ...fine?! Has he had a lobotomy recently? How on earth is someone such a massive dickhead? Sorry OP. x

Marilynsbigsister · 25/03/2016 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 25/03/2016 18:31

Oh Shut I'm so sorry you're having such a shitty time and you lost your sister Concentrate on you and your little one for now. I agree with a pp that you should pack your bag and head to your mum's.

Your dp sounds like an immature arse to walk out on you and your ds at a time like this simply because you actually had a life prior to him...did he think you'd been saving yourself?! What a cockwomble

TheStoic · 26/03/2016 02:20

He will be back, OP.

Will you take him back?

YRGAM · 31/03/2016 02:03

Very sorry to hear about your sister and this situation. The man is acting like a complete idiot, and I would have a serious think about whether you want to be with someone who is going to judge you like that. I speak from unfortunate experience - I have been that idiot before when I was in my late teens, judging and throwing a fit to my OH about this exact matter. I look back on my mindset then with absolute disgust, it feels like I was a completely different person. If he comes crawling back, which I am almost certain he will, have a serious think about whether he is prepared to apologise and change his mindset, and more importantly whether your relationship can recover from the judgment, hurt and lack of respect he is showing you.

Bogeyface · 31/03/2016 02:56

Presumably his online dating profile would say "Virgins only need apply" good luck with that!

His attitude says far more about him than it does you.

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