I don't know what to do anymore. I am so lonely.
My relationship with DH has been up and down for years (since I had PND after DS1 was born). Over the last year he's withdrawn from me almost completely. He either doesn't respond to my messages or sends one word replies. He works long hours but when he is here doesn't really speak to me. When I speak to him he won't make eye contact.
A lot of this is my fault. I have too often responded to his detachment by pushing for a confrontation, I suppose to try and get some sort of emotional response.
I have tried talking to him calmly - along the lines of we're both unhappy, how can we fix this? He either walks away or tells me to 'stop moaning'. He often says I only ever moan. It isn't true - I've gone whole months where I have been very careful not to say anything negative at all but it is like he now has a concrete perception of how I am that I can never change.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't even seem to like me. He is naturally very even tempered but has lost his temper hugely with me on several occasions recently over relatively small things (late night dramas with ill young children etc...).
We have two young DCs, a lovely home and what would look like a perfect life to an outsider. I don't want a divorce - not just for the DCs sake but because I still love him but I can't see this ending up any other way. He just won't engage with me at all even though it must be making him as miserable as it is me.
He's not good at confrontation and it occurred to me today that he may be deliberately trying to push me into ending it rather than doing it himself.
What do I do?