Wife wants a divorce

[brokensilver86]

Id like the opinion of some women and men who have had a divorce, my wife has told me her intention to divorce me and im heartbroken. We had a massive argument ten days ago. I took it on the chin and today try to make peace, she says that i have changed her and not to drag on but that she feels she walks on eggshells with me. I say this because i know its now true and want to give an honest account of both sides. Anyway, i was wondering if anyone has advice about the emotional process, as i said im pretty cut up so any advice would be appricated.

David

Sounds like you are accepting the accusations she is making. You are going to need to change your ways or your wife is no longer prepared to live with you. It really is as simple as that.

If you want to make it work go to her, tell her how you feel and explain your are prepared to take whatever the necessary steps are (Couples counselling etc.)

What on earth did you argue about that meant you went 10 days before one of you tried to make up?

Has she explained how you've changed her? Has she explained why she feels she needs to walk on eggshells around you?

How long have you been married?

Firstly, I don't believe you changed her. It's all so easy to blame other people for the things we do (or don't do). Shying away from emotional maturity is a relationship killer. In the same vein you cannot blame her for the way you feel about things. What you could do is listen. That's the best place to start. Accept what she says unconditionally. If you don't like something she says don't turn round and say she is wrong. She isn't, not if she is feeling it. She needs to be able to express how she feels and you should accept she is right. No protestations of "but...." Because "but" is "no" and you are telling her you do not accept what she has to say. That's another or final nail in the coffin.

When it has all lurched her way and you feel defeated and small enough to drop down a rabbit burrow, give her more time to open up. When she knows you can and will listen the communication can start.

The above applies equally to her as to you. You need to be open and talk to her about what you feel and the way it makes YOU behave the way you do.

Take individual responsibility for the way you each feel, accept that ones point of view is valid and to be respected, no "buts" just acceptance and, when ready seek some professional counselling. Neither of you are great communicators.

I bet you're feeling cut up. If it's too tense to talk about it with her, it would be worth putting a 3rd party in the middle. My husband has toddler tantrums all too often. If I express an opinion, the first word he says is; Don't speak -say think---....It is not nice. I find it unpleasant and undermining. He has sulks to clear a room with.
None of us are perfect and it is difficult to remain kind. Silverfox is so right about emotional maturity. Have you been together a long time? Do you have children together?