So, a bit of background. I asked my husband to leave last summer. Our relationship had been terrible for a long time and I was really unhappy and finally found the courage to do it. He left and we began divorce proceedings and we’re in the home straight now.
Initially I felt really liberated and had a few ONSs and then a longer term fuck buddy thing which was all fun at that the time and just what I needed to blow the cobwebs away. But around Autumn time I found myself kind of wanting a bit more… someone I could have dinners/drinks with, cinema etc, but def not a boyfriend… more of a friend with benefits. So I went back on the dodgy dating site, with that as my requirements. Met a guy and we clicked. The second time I saw him he said he’d like us to be BF/GF not FWB. I liked him and agreed and stopped seeing others etc. So since October we’ve been seeing each other when we can although time is limited as we both have 2 kids and work etc. We text constantly and talk every day. We talk about everything and anything… except about anything to do with us and how we feel etc. He is quite a closed book on that stuff, but has been acting more and more affectionate towards me. He talks about things we will do together in the summer etc. We have talked about introducing the kids to each other etc. He hasn’t met my children yet as I wanted to be 100% sure as it would be the first person I would introduce them too since their Dad left. I have recently met his kids briefly on a couple of occasions but have only been introduced as him friend.
Anyway, my feelings have been growing and I thought his had too and on Saturday night I texted him saying I thought I loved him. He didn’t reply saying he felt the same. He says he really likes me … that he really enjoys spending time with me … that he thinks about our future and how that could go. We've chatted about it all since and I explained that I don't want anything to change in terms of how we are but I just wanted to tell him how I felt. So I think we're all good. The problem is however I feel hurt and vulnerable. I wish I hadn't said anything. I feel stupid and embarrassed. I don't want to stop seeing him but I am dreading seeing him next as it will feel like a huge elephant in the room. I actually believe in my heart that he is close to feeling the same but holding back as he's a very independent person. I just feel like I've messed everything up when I should have just kept quiet.
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.