God i am so pissed off.. or am i just selfish??

[frenchconnection]

My bloody dh let his best mate move in with us a month ago(without even asking me properly), he lives in our loft and has to climb up a ladder to get there!
He doesnt pay a penny in rent but only sleeps here 5 nights a week.. i am just so pissed off as he and my dh stay up late every night talking loudly and laughing, and keeping me awake til the early hours.. we have 2 kids but our ds age 3 is a terrible sleeper and screams all night, so we never get sleep.
My dh's mate is a nice bloke but his snoring wakes my son and i have asked/TOLD my dh that his mate has to leave. My dh has simply said if i dont like it, I am the one who has to leave!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also work 30 hrs a wk, study 15 hrs, and im knackered!! my dh and me dont get on anyway !!

[maisym]

he's unreasonable - get this sorted.

write a list of the issues & go through it. Only let him back when you're happy.

this bloke in the attic - doesn't he see the effect on you?if not he's a loser & needs to move out.

[Tortington]

i earn a very decent wage. but i told my dh in no uncertain terms that i would give it all up and go back to Nothing when he started being an arse.

[scorpio1]

have you rung your student loans company? i too am doing a degree and know that you get more help from them if you are a single mother. even childcare help for nursery/after school clubs, etc. also your uni should have an access to learning fund which you should be awarded a regular amount from.The benefits office, i believe, top up your income weekly through something like income support on top of your student loan. you wouls also be eligible for housing/council tax benefit, and possibly a deposit on a new place.

so it is possible, if ££££ is the only reason you are staying

[Pages]

A subject very close to my own heart... just been posting on a very similar subject recently. Fortunately for me both Dh and third party cared what I felt about it. I would be extremely upset if I had been told to leave if I didn't like it. I don't think I would have left, but I think I would have thrown DH out.

[frenchconnection]

i am doing my degree through the Open university so no help really apart from fees. You cannot apply for a loan. i am doing 90pts so its a lot and with no financial help i will struggle.
thanks for trying to help though!

[tribpot]

Out of interest, why has this bloke moved in with you and how long is he meant to be staying for, indefinitely?

Can you ask them to keep their voices down so they don't disturb you? Can the bloke move to a different part of the loft where his snoring might not be loud enough to wake your ds?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

"My dh is a lovely bloke and a great dad, we're not going to split as i dont want to live off benefits again and sometimes we get on ok. My dd already lives apart from her dad and i dont want the same for my ds".

A "lovely bloke" and a "great dad" would not be doing this and you know it.

Bloody hell FC, you're being walked all over here.

What is all this teaching your son as well?. Damaging lessons are being imparted here by both of you.

Your DH has totally disregarded your feelings by letting his mate move with. There seems to have been no ground rules established re behaviour or length of occupancy, no rent is being paid and your opinion clearly does not matter a jot.

Ypur DH does realise of course that if the council discovered this extra person then extra council tax charges would have to be paid. Why on earth should this man move into yoru son's room - this is his sanctuary or should be!.

It goes without saying that this man needs to move out of your house asap. Him being present is not helping at all.

And as for your comment:-
"we're not going to split as I don't want to live on benefits again and sometimes we get on okay" - is just so fatuous it breaks my heart.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

The OU are not totally inhumane you know and there may be a way forward here. Discuss this with them.

[oranges]

look this man cannot stay in your home - he has a job - he has to RENT a room like the rest of the adult population. I can't believe your dh would actually ask you to leave over that matter - I think you are being too scared of his threats. If he does ask you to leave, then go - this man is worth nothing.

[swifter]

there appears to lots of issues with you and your DH and this seems to be a catalyst for how your feeling now. Quite frankly if my DH told me that 'if you dont like it then you can leave' then I bloody well would and he can stay up all night with his mate being a twat. He'd be bloody bored after awhile. I know that isn't constructive I just feel so for you. You sound bloody knackered and are bloody superwoman. I couldn't do everything that you do and I only have 1 DS. Tell him to stick it. Ggrggrrrrrrrrrrrr

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Legal advice for your own self is essential here.

If this relationship was to completely break down and you were to separate please don't leave your children behind.

[swifter]

also (was doing the washing up and thinkin bout this so had to post!)he thinks its ok to behave like a twat because you have categorically stated that you will never leave because you dont want to put DD through it all again or DS through it. Dont let him hold u to ransom. He may be a great DAD FC but he needs to show their mum some respect. Anyway back to the washing up!

[frenchconnection]

Swifter - thanks for your kind words.He knows i will leave if it gets really bad..today ive felt really ill and he came straight back from work to look after me.... so he does show kindness in some ways! (just to confuse me)

[Becauseimworthit]

You need to speak to both dh and his friend when they're together to explain - calmly and rationally - the problems that him being there are making for you and the children. Maybe dh won't see it, but his friend will surely be embarrassed about such information? If not, and they side with other against you then you really know where you stand.

[frenchconnection]

Yes im sure his mate will be very embarrassed, he is embarrassed enough that he is in so much debt that he cant pay rent (hence the reason he cant rent a real flat).

[analoguegirl]

sounds rubbish that you arent getting any rent from "only" 5 nights a week, which is basically the entire working week.

doesnt sound like its helping with your relationship with your partner or kids too. hope you get things sorted

[NAB3]

I think you need to change the locks and kick both men out!

[themoon66]

How about putting down some bowls of rat poison in the loft because you've 'seen' rats up there?

The cold weather is coming.... you could always wait for the deep frosty nights and freeze the bugger out.

[madamez]

FC, you're not doing either of your kids much good by letting them learn that it's OK to treat women like this. You say your DD has some psychological problems already - they won't be helped by giving her the impression that women exist only to accomodate and cater to men, and that her mother's feelings and wellbeing don't matter.
Kick both these useless men out.