Finally gone no contact with ExPil

[OceansAbyss]

I have come to the decision after a situation this week where ExMil really upset DD.

There is a massive history there but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I went to see her today and told her that it stopped here. She won't ever get the chance to hurt my little girl and use her as a pawn to satisfy her own agenda ever again.

How do I explain this to DD. She is so innocent (4.5) and even though her Gran was the cause of the upset this week there is also a massive back story. Like all kids she forgives without a second though and forgets easily. Although their relationship wasn't anything special, she is her Grandmother and eventually she will ask.

How do I handle this?

Does your exH not have contact with the children? If he chooses to let his parents see the kids, I don't think you can stop him.

Sounds like an awful situation. You have my sympathy!

No he has no contact, hasn't really since she was a newborn. There were a couple of periods of supervised access but he never stuck with it and made it pretty clear he wasn't interested.

How often has your dd had contact with her paternal dgps and has she had overnight stays with them?

No overnights. She saw her Gran once every 3 weeks or so for a couple of hours. Grandad less. Maybe two or three time a year, he would sometimes go out with the two of them so couldn't say for definite, might have been a little bit more.

Anyone have advice on how to explain this to her when she asks?

Last attempt?

What is she going to ask exactly? She is 4, just say Grannie is not able to come over, don't mention her pro actively and eventually she will drop off the radar.

Gran did some very unkind things and she wouldn't stop even though I asked her to, so we won't see her anymore.

If this was me, I would just tell her that her grandparents were not kind people and this is why you don't see them.

At her young age, I think he won't have much awareness of time and it won't be as big a deal as you think - it's not like she was seeing them everyday. If she asks when she will be seeing them, just say, not today sweetie and change the subject

I strongly believe that children should only have people in their lives who are positive influences.

That was my thinking. I'm just worried as she's a very inquisitive child and has said things about maybe friends we haven't seen for a while that she hasn't seen them in ages and ask why (repeatedly). Usually I can say that we'll catch up soon or something like that but I don't want to lie to her.

Thanks. I think I'll just try and explain and simplistically as possible.

I know my mother stopped taking me to see our aunt at about that age, and it never occurred to me to ask why, though maybe I just wasn't an inquisitive child.

Everything has a why these days 🙈 drives me mad