Offering 50% in divorce with 10% delayed in form of charge on new property

[piperchapman44]

Ex is refusing mediation, but wants his half of the equity in the family home. I've said I want 60% - but I don't want to spend a fortune on solicitors negotiating this.

I am thinking of saying , he can have 50% , but for 10% of that to be delayed until dd is 18. So I would sell family home, and buy a new home with the 60%, and that 10% to be transferred as whatever percentage it buys in my new home. Then sell it when dd is 18 and give him back that set %. I can move out of this area in the future to somewhere cheaper, but I don't want to unti she is 18, cos of schools etc.

Annoyingly though Ive just read that I would have to seek his permission everytime I remortgage - which is just too bloody annoying. He's already kicked up a fuss because I changed utility suppliers here without consulting with him (when I pay it all). he;s very controlling and it would just maintain that. But otherwise if we get 50% I can't see how to house me and dd.

Should I bite the bullet and propose this - anyone got any experience of how annoying an ex having a charge on your property is? Is there any way I can have a clause inserted which takes this need to consult each time I remortgage away?

How often would I remortgage in a ten year period, realistically? (i.e. how much pain!)

if he refuses to go to mediation he has to have the expensive solicitor thing and explain to court why he's refusing to mediate. it won't go well for him.

why would you need to remortgage?
Could you get a 10 year fixed rate now and then o need to involve him?

I don't think this is s good idea. You want a divorce with a final settlement, not to have him (metaphorically) still round your neck for the next 10 years.

I did my divorce through a solicitor and it wasn't that expensive -- cheaper than 10% of a house! If you are housing your DD, that might automatically give you a right yo more than 50%.

I don't particularly mind him having 50% in the long run, because he bought this house outright and I then paid for (major) improvements. But by any accounts I've come out of this marriage financially better off even with 50%. But it is not possible for us to buy a house near her school with that amount. Even 55% might make it possible , but not 50.

Yes but i hate the idea of having to ask his bloody permission to remortgage. I would do it for dd though, obviously. Would need to look into mortgages but my understanding is that ten year fixed rates will have a higher interest rate than I would necessarily need to pay.

My approach up to now, and possibly continuing, is to sit tight in the family home and let him rant and rave but until he goes to mediation/comes up with a plan that works for me, I'm not budging. He won't even file for divorce, says I have to. But why would I when it could mean moving dd from her school.

just would like to be free!

If your dc is 8 now and you will be the primary carer, you should be looking at a split of 75/25% of the equity in the family home in your favour.

What you're proposing in terms of a 10% charge on any future property you buy is no good to man, beast, or divorced woman, and you're being extremely shortsighted in attempting to conduct negotiations with a controlling twunt when employing the services of a competent solicitor will settle his hash save you money in the long run.

What split is being proposed for other assets such as his savings/pension pot? What is being proposed with regard to child maintenace and have you asked him to pay spousal support?

ok, mumsnet always sets me straight! I will hold on, I can't afford to press ahead with divorce so I'm trying to save some money and get my ducks in a row before going ahead. He's the one with the pressing need to get hold of his ££. Will hold off until I'm ready and then go for an amount that houses us properly.