On My Own and very scared

[hurtwife]

Hi
I have been on here before and here is a quick update.
Married for a long time 4 kids H had/having affair.
He left in oct came back and has now gone again.
I feel so low dont want to accept that this is it. dont think i can cope (although know i will).
Please tell me there is another life waiting for me.
I feel so pathetic my whole life was children and him. I am feeling totally lost dont even know who i am any more. I havent worked for some years and really wont be able to because of the children. I feel as if i have scarificed everything for this relationship and feel totally drained of any self worth.

I know i have 4 beautiful children but at the moment i am barely functioning and feel i am being a terrible mother to them.
Meanwhile he seems to be getting his head round it all and getting on with his life and is appearing fantastic with the children.

I know i need to sort out when he can see them but at the moment i just want to withold them and keep them for myself. He is a great father although not been there much for them for the past year. Now of course he wants to appear the goody in all this.

PLEASE tell me my life will get better than this, i am not sure how much more i can take.

Oh I hate doing the couple thing you feel like such a leper don't you?
Anyway hurtwife aka Fantastic mum, superwoman, the strong one etc, I just thought I'd post and tell you about Bach's flower spray!!! Tree huggy I know and thats what I thought but as I can't wander down the street swilling a glass of red wine and pushing the pram....when someone suggested it I thought I'd give it ago! The first squirts gave me a vague head rush quite nice that wore off quite fast then after that it did actually transform me when I had my bitch from Hell head on! I had about 3 to 4 squirts and I did feel more relaxed and beleive me when I have my bitch from hell head on wooah even passers by hide!! LoL. So remember what I said earlier about it improving it will and keep taking the antidepressants I did! Bachs flower is available from Boots or all chemists at about £5.99 and thank heavens but it does work! So give it a go and keep posting!!

By the way when I was feeling really mad at him for ruinning my life I had long conversations with an imaginary him where I was able to tell him that I thought he was an utter waste of space and that excrement had a more diserving place in society than he did....sounds made but it did release the anger I was feeling a bit!

I know i shouldnt still want anything to do with him after all he has done - he should be feeling so bad he should never want to show his head in public again. He is the one who will have to live with what he has done to another human for the rest of his life.
But by feeling like this means i do still care and it is me i should be caring about now. I have fantastic friends who are helping and i know he is short on friends but then he has her to soothe is inner pain.
Will this hate ever go?

Morning hurtwife. Im so sorry to hear about what you're going through but trust me, it will get better.

My ex left me and my ds xmas eve 2005 for another woman he was having an affair with (second affair in a year) and my world fell apart. But he was a rubbish dad and a rubbish partner and deep down i know this as he treated me awfully.

He did me a favour as i don't know if i would have had the guts to leave him.

I felt so humiliated that he had cheated again and the fact that he left me for her was sickening. its been just over a year now and the hate is still there. He hasn't seen our ds since last March even though he lives 5 mins up the road. He has also stopped giving me any money for ds.

I have even since reported domestic abuse that went on but through lack of evidence he wasn't charged.
After all this that has happened i cant imagine not hating him for all he's done, but im hoping that one day the pain will lessen.

I now have a fantastic dp of 1 year today! and im doing a degree with the Open University. My life with ds couldn't be better.

You don't deserve to suffer like this. Your right, he should be the one to suffer for causing you pain. I have found the best way to get revenge and come out best is to carry on with your life and be happy. Let him see you happy with your new life and make him see what he has thrown away. You deserve so so much better than him.

You will get there it takes a lot of time. But you will get there. and You are no way a terrible mother

I guess I would say your not a switch you can't turn it on and off.
I suppose I would say that you will always feel the pain, and hurt and the anger will always be there. But if you watch the sea, sometimes the waves are small and sometimes they're big! But this depends on outside influences like the weather, the direction of the tide etc. See your emotions like this. Don't just isolate it to this experience that your going through, think of others you have been through.How you felt at the time, and how you felt say 6 months on.
You are raw and in pain. That's perfectly natural and you feel angry about it.But I suppose like the sea, other influences will come to calm those emotions and settle all your feelings. Stay with it and release the anger in whatever way is good for you.
I was ever so angry and there are times when I still am. There are also times when I miss him and still have a sense of feeling I care.
But these feelings are more balanced and I am in control of my feelings rather than them controlling me. I guess this the question you seem to ask...when will your feelings stop controlling you? Answer I don't know. But they will and you will feel better, till then hold on to that and go with the flow!

Hi Hurtmum. I felt just the same when i split up last July and my ex dp became violent. You will pick up and feel better and if you need an anti depressant then get one. I am still on Prozac and it has been such a help. but now feeling much better and coming off it. There is light at the end of the tunnel . Mix with cheerful, positive people. ~Talk to friends, see a councillor. Realise you are a lovely, wonderful person who is worth more than some bad relationship. You are worthy of better and he is not worthy of you !Be positive and try to give your kids the love they so need and make them feel good being with you . They will probably be happier out of that arguing relationsip as my son does. He sees his dad twice a week. Hugs to you and really hopoe you feel better soon x x x x x