Living with a weed smoker

[greenchilli]

Happy new year everyone.

So here's the deal: DH smokes weed (yes marijuana). He smoked it when I met him, so did I. But I was 18.

So anyway we were both in our early 20?s when we started seeing each other properly and have been together for 7 years now. We have one gorgeous DD who?s 2. He has smoked weed since we?ve been together while I grew out of it back in my early twenties and I had hoped he would too but he hasn?t. In fact he smokes a lot more now - every weekend and also some week nights. He says it?s because he works hard and long hours?which he does and earns lots of money to take care of us?though I now work full time and earn a decent amount too. But the thing is anything that remotely challenges him like which he sites as, me nagging, the state of society, race issues, blab bla bla any little thing, he says ?see that?s why I smoke?. Always so many excuses for why he has to smoke weed says it help him to deal with stress same way that I have a glass of wine most evenings. The reason I don?t like it is not because he acts particularly different when he?s ?buzzing? for want of a better word. He acts pretty normal it?s just really annoying because I don?t think it is something that a good father should do and it doesn?t fit into my image of a model father/husband so it really grates on me to see rizla papers, broken cigarettes and tobacco lying around the coffee table, near our child?s toys and other innocent paraphernalia. I know he can live without it because we lived overseas for a couple of years where he couldn?t get hold of any and he seemed fine (though we didn?t have dd back then so life may have been less stressful in his opinion.)

One thing I will say though is that he seems to have lost all interest in other activities (no not talking about sex - that?s fine) but he doesn?t really have hobbies whereas he used to play football on a Sunday and see more of his friends., he now spends his weekends in front of the telly watching football and movies or playing computer games upstairs. He does play games with our dd and he is a good father to her but really he kind of seems to fit us in around his rolling up and going outside in the garden to smoke. Then when he comes in from a smoke if I ask him to do anything he says I?m ?killing his buzz?. When I met him he was a much more dynamic individual these days he doesn?t do much except for go to work and reluctantly help with chores after some nagging (though we recently got a cleaner so my resentment has subsided in this department). I wish he would just cut down, I?m not asking him to give it up all together which I think is pretty lenient of me. I want him to not stay up till 3 am smoking while I?ve gone to bed. I want him to wake up early on Saturdays and Sundays and hangout with me a dd and perhaps even suggest something for us to do together once in a while rather than going along with my suggestions or not going along with them if he?s too ?tired?.

Does anyone else live with a weed smoker who is otherwise a good person? I need some advice. He has no intention of seeking outside help?he doesn?t even think he needs help though occasionally he does talk of giving it up, but I never believe him as he doesn?t stick to it. It?s not a massive problem but at the same time, me being an early bird, gym-going, housework-doing person who likes to get out of the house and away from the TV whenever possible I feel our lifestyle aspirations clash; we?re totally out of sync with him wanting to do as little as possible and me wanting to do more. Also an added side effect is that he eats late at night when he gets the munchies (how fucking teenage does that sound? he?s 32) and has gained about a stone- mainly in the midriff - over the last year or two. Sorry to go on but it?s a dirty little secret that I need to get off my chest, can?t really talk to friends about it as I don?t want them to think of him in a bad light and I couldn?t bear their pity. Likewise talking to family is out of the question.

Help somebody!! I still love him but we?re growing apart and resentment is building up in me.

I'd be interested, my dh has been smoking it pretty much non stop since he was 19.....he is now 36.

You know, I never have noticed dh be particularly stoned! You have visions of people being stoned and lazy/etc etc. My dh is hyper!!! He gets terribles bouts of the giggles though, but that is highly amusing!
It doesn't make him eat more as some people say it you you the "munchies", he's a skinny ribs really.
He has tried to stop in the past for financial reasons. The longest I have witnessed him stop for is about three months.
He is moody and irritable for about two weeks I would say. Then he seems to be none the different, but like I say, he has only managed it for about three weeks.

My dh is a bit of a homebody too,he has no friends to speak of to socialise with at weekends etc, but he does do his hobby about once a fortnight, sometimes more.

I can't see him changing in the near future, but i'm happy.

I think if you are unhappy you do need to say so and try to change your situation. But you are not alone.

I will try and speak to my brother I spoke to his doctors (he has been sectioned twice)and on his notes it does say cannabis induced but will def check it out

dont you think we'd have better information and options if it was just er, taxed, safely distributed and sold in trusted weight and measures er....legalised?

There is such a thing as a cannabis induced psychosis and for these people it tends to recede as soon as they stop using but return if/when they smoke again. You can get a similar reaction from amphetamines or cocaine but cannabis is the biggie.

Full blown psychosis, although often triggered by cannabis, is not dependent on the person using cannabis, some people don't use it at all. Its usually the case that people who develop a psychosis have an underlying VULNERABILITY, family history of mental illness, plus environmental factors and other triggers - bereavement, job loss, other stresses. Its a complicated picture. 2 siblings with the same upbringing, one becomes psychotic and one doesn't. How? Not sure, but that's what happened in my family too, my brother became psychotic and I didn't.

The good news is that the earlier its caught the better and people are becomming more aware of what the signs are. Newer medications are pretty effective with less side effects which means people can often live a life. 1 or 2 in 100 people will develop a psychosis at some point in their lives. Its pretty common.

Its also really common for people to smoke cannabis all their lives and have no inkling of psychosis. These are the people with no vulnerability.

That is just what my brother is like.He started having small episodes of paranoia and had a few freak outs and his mental health clinic told him it was cannabis He stopped for about 6 months and my sister and I were over the moon with the change in him but he started smoking it again and he really lost it.There is no way of knowing who is or isn't going to be prone to this but the psychiatric services are seeing a lot more of it possibly because more people are smoking large amounts as a regular thing.

Test

My Hubby smokes alot I have smoked since 15ish and dont mind the occasional smoke but hubby all day everyday must coast £70 =£80 a week which is crap when you have no money. Anyway we used to smoke socially but it turned into most of the time which was fine before the kids. I am still only social and even then try not to. Now he still smokes all the time like normal ciggies - skins up and takes to work so he can have one in the car on breaks etc. He does smoke outside and not in the house. He does hold down a very good job and is good at it - but he has changed (the last 4 years, been together for 15years)and not for the better, he has become abusive agressive and strange. Its that bad that he suffers with asthma and a joint can make him cough that much hes sick!!!!
I have tried to ask him to cut down and you would think it would help that he has a brother who smoked a lot for a long time and went into a drug induced psychosis and now faces the rest of his life with schizophrenia. He is no where near the person he used to be. Sectioned on numerous occasions and heavily medicated. Blood tested weekly. You cannot get a conversation frm him now. Just sits in the corner quitley clicking his tonge. He did have a good future. Tragic.
People who say you cannot get addicted to weed are daft you can get addicted to anything mentally. I have also seen this happen to a friend of his brothers. Very sad.
What does make make me laugh though is the the person he gets it from says "he won't smoke it as "he has seen to many peoples heads get f**ked on it"

Good luck everyone hope all turns out for the better.

Mad for it my brother is the same it can happy to anyone at any time and apparently the amount you smoke isn't as important as how long.Nightmare!