When I first met my boyfriend he said that he was divorced and that he had a grown up child. But after a few weeks, when he became interested on me, he told me that he was actually just separated but still living with his ex.
Naturally, I smelled a rat. So I told him that given that he had enough resources to move out, I couldn't understand why he was still there, so I told him that he needed to sort his relationship with his wife or move on, because it was not fair on anybody to stay in a marriage when the relationship was over. I also told him I didn,t want to see him anymore.
A few months down the line, he contacted me again and told me he had moved out and asked to see me again. In time, and after much insistence, I agreed to and after a few weeks we got involved.
We have been together for 3 years. I see him practically every day, we spend Christmas and other important dates together and I would say that in the surface we have a pretty committed relationship, but... Even after this time, he has not wanted me to meet his son or anybody else in his almost estranged extended family and... he has not applied for a divorce.
I have been thinking long and hard about ending the relationship, and we have had a good number of arguments where I tell him that while he is not divorced we can't move our relationship forward, and where he tells me he doesn't want to upset the exwife and his son, partly because he doesn't want to hurt her and partly because they are currently negotiating how much of the assets each of them will get.
His father, who had advanced dementia, passed away this week. I know he won't want me at the funeral, and I am happy to support him as he is practically alone. This week is not about me and my needs but... I really think I cannot forgive him for keeping me hidden for this long and keeping me at arms lenght at a time when I should be there holding his hand. If he could lie about a long term relationship at this time, what other things could he lie about?
I am tired of hiding and being treated like the OW even when he insists I have never been the OW, as things were over with his ex years before we met.
I don't want to add to his pain by leaving him at this time, I love him, but how much rubbish I should be put through so his grown up son, who only calls him when he needs money, doesn't get upset or because he is risking damaging the negotiations for the separation of assets?