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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Im a mess

51 replies

sadmommy · 04/01/2007 14:15

OP posts:

DizzyBint · 04/01/2007 16:21

the issues with your hubby won't sort themselves. you need to take care of you first. please take thearmadillo's advice.

KezzaG · 04/01/2007 16:24

Hi I have just popped back on here. you sound so very sad, and I understand that at the moment it doesnt seem like things will ever get better, but they can if you get the right help. Only then can you work out what you want from life and how to make yourself happy.

I just want to share this with you - a short while ago I became involved in a thread on here with a woman who was having marital problems and here posts were seriously upsetting. She was thinking of sending her children away and ending her life, she was unhappy and didnt know what to do. she no longer posts but I am still in touch with her, and despite some real setbacks she went to a GP, got some AD's and counselling and is really making a recovery. She herself can now see what being depressed was doing to her and how it is possible to get better.

your situations that led to your dpression are different but I just wanted to you know that really is possible to get better. See you GP again and dont hold back, get the help you need.

jeangenie · 04/01/2007 16:26

armadillo is giving you great advice, please take heed

you really need to talk to someone outside of your situation, who can help you take stock of yourself and rebuild your very battered self esteem

don't worry about the men for now, think about YOU

wishing you luck and the strength to get through this, it sounds like you have had it hard for along long time and that would knock the self esteem out of the strongest of us

anorak · 04/01/2007 16:35

Sweetheart, I am here for you. Are you logged in to msn?

Original poster

sadmommy · 04/01/2007 16:39

Thank you everyone, i will see my GP again.
I have had counciling before but still feel dirty.
I went with my mum when she saw this councoller and to that phsco ward, they gave her pills and she tryed to strangle my sister and i, they addmitted her to hospital and my gran tryed to put us in to care.
At the age of nine i was more my mothers mother then she was mine.

I know i can not change any of this but i cant let go of it and i really really want too and need too.

I don't want to hurt my partner but i know what we did have is lost now, i know there is nothing for me with my hubby now either as nothing has changed the porn has got worse if anything.
My children are what i live for but i am not even a good mum, i set out to be and as i had been shown how NOT to parent i thought i would be good, i thought i would never make my children feel how i was made to feel but i know i do, i see other people doing it and it looks so easy and for me it is so hard.
I feel like a big black cloud has settled on me and no matter what it wont go away.

OP posts:

Original poster

sadmommy · 04/01/2007 16:41

hi anorak, no im not on msn, i have to go offline now as its time to cook, i will call you soon xx

OP posts:

anorak · 04/01/2007 16:43

ok then I will be home all day tomorrow if you want to talk.

you are a good mum and your kids love you.

saffy202 · 04/01/2007 16:50

I can relate to your childhood issues as they sound similar to mine

I agree with Dizzybint you can't handle someone finally being nice to you for just being you as it is so alien to you.

I found it hard at first that there were no dramas in my life for the first time ever, that I would try and create them out of nothing

I too think counselling would be good for you. I don't think your dh is the answer to your problems as he is not willing to change and all the problems you had previously would all start again. The new partner may also not be the one for you, maybe it is time to put yourself first, learn to love yourself and then finally decide what exactly YOU want.

madamez · 04/01/2007 17:08

Poor girl, you've got a lot to cope with and you CANNOT fix it by yourself. If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't just wait for the pain to go away, so please get some proper professional help. A short course of a mild AD can make a huge difference just by breaking the cycle of bad thoughts. As to your ex-H, you can't help him when you're feeling this bad, and also he doesn't sound in a crisis state. Concentrate on yourself first because you matter.

Original poster

sadmommy · 04/01/2007 17:45

you are all so kind

OP posts:

Original poster

sadmommy · 04/01/2007 17:53

im so tired and i just feel so unhappy and the more i try to think of how to make it better and what i really do want the more confused i get.

I feel so sorry for my new partner as he did not get the person he thought he was getting, and although he tells me he loves me and im wonderful all the time i still hurt.
I know he is sad and scared i will leave him and thats no way to live is it.
He has done so much for me and i just feel so bad that i can't commit to him and this, i wont even change my bank details and i know it hurts him alot, i never mentfor it to be this way.

Hubby just plods from day to day, he has never said much about anything and will go out of his way not to have a confrontation with anyone.
If he had talked to me before just tryed to understand i needed him to tell me he wanted me to stay, he said he wanted me to choose him, well how the f* was i supposed to know that when all he ever said was its up to you do what you want theres nothing to talk about!!!

Its all such a mess, im
dying inside, i smile at the school gates, cook the tea make the beds, i watch myself do it but i am screaming inside, dying.

I wish i could know what is right for me.

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 04/01/2007 18:00

Sweetheart if there was something I oculd give you that would mean you could wake up tomorrow feeling fine and with all the answers I would.

YOu are not going to be able to answer the questions you have about your dp and dh until you know who you are.

Once you get the help you need and things start getting better then you will find it easier to find the answers to these descisions. You will be able to see the situations much more clearly and have a better idea about what is best for you and what needs to be done.

To help the others and to sort things out with them, you need to sort it all out with you.

It's a horrible way to live how you are living now, but you can get out of it and things will get better.

anorak · 04/01/2007 18:13

I agree with everything TheArmadillo has said.

TheArmadillo · 04/01/2007 20:44

are you still around?

How are you doing?

Original poster

sadmommy · 05/01/2007 14:30

OP posts:

Original poster

sadmommy · 05/01/2007 14:31

still around but not able to post much.
Partners folks coming for few days

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 05/01/2007 14:33

oh dear.

Any chance they might let you have a break while they are staying?

Original poster

sadmommy · 07/01/2007 22:25

weekend not going well

OP posts:

KezzaG · 08/01/2007 10:14

How are you feeling today? Have you managed to get an appointment with your gp? Sorry if I am nagging.

Original poster

sadmommy · 08/01/2007 16:46

Cant see GP till later this week.
Had a bad weekend, keep snapping at DP.
Find it very very stressfull when his family are here, although they are lovely people, just i dont fit in.

OP posts:

KezzaG · 09/01/2007 10:32

Hi, Im glad you are still here. Sorry you had a bad weekend. At least you will see the gp this week. Do you think you will take their advice and get some ad's if that is what they recommend?

If not do you think they would refer you for some other treatment? If you think some counselling may work and there is a long waiting list, do you work? you may have some kind of employee assistance programme that will enable you to get some confidential help. Or your dp may have it through his company?

Hang in there, and tell the gp everything.

TheArmadillo · 09/01/2007 21:26

How are you doing?

kimi · 15/01/2007 16:20

hows it going?

Original poster

sadmommy · 16/01/2007 18:34

Did not take my children to school today as i just could not face getting up

OP posts:

Original poster

sadmommy · 16/01/2007 18:38

Saw the Doctor and there is a LONG wait to see a counciller, Dr still wants to push pills on me, but i am still very uneasy about that.

I now have a bomeshell dropped on me by a family member and i dont know what to do as they want to borrow some money (alot of money and i dont have it) to get themselfs out of a mess that they have gotten in to again.

I went to bed at 9.00pm Sunday night and still over slept Monday, i am so tired.

OP posts:

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