New BF jealous of relationship I have with xDP

[Motherofeight]

Am I being unreasonable? Since separating from my DP after 20 years together we have become really good friends. I love him but not as a lover and he loves me. I had to go to hospital last week for some tests and asked him if he would come and sit with me as my BF was out of the country. My XDP came the hospital pater that evening and took me back to my house. We had quite a few drinks and then he left. This has caused an issue with my XDP's GF and it seems that they have split up over him coming to get me from the hospital
My BF had guessed how I had got home from the hospital and I told him that my XDP had only stayed for half an hour for a glass of wine after dropping me off.
My BF seems to becoming more jealous of my relationship with my XDP. He says that he does not understand the relationship I have with him as it was me that ended the relationship due to mental/ alcohol and other issues with my XDP.
He says that whilst he cannot understand the relationship he says he trusts me and will find a way to accept it. He also says that this does not mean that he likes the situation and it makes him feel very uncomfortable. He has also said that he will not prevent me from continuing my relationship with my XDP. My BF also knows that I speak to my XDP via texts many times during the day which is just general chit chat
Am I being unfair or unreasonable to my BF?

If you are texting multiple times a day with your ex I don't see where there's enough room for your new boyfriend.

If the situation was reversed, you would be being told to run a mile.

You need to decide what you want. Neither of you has properly moved on.

youre having an emotional affair with your ex. The two of you are nowhere near done or over, even if youre not shagging, and youre being unfair to try and have a new relationship with this level of attachment still to your ex.

Both your new partner and your exes new partner are feeling insecure and are not ok with your current level of involvement in your previous relationship, and that is whilst you are actually lying about the level of it too.

I think you need to accept that youre only getting what you want here because of dishonesty. Its really unfair of you

My ex is my best friend (aside from current partner). We live together, we sometimes email and text throughout the day (as I do with current partner). No children together.

Not unusual to stay up drinking until 2-3am talking when partner has gone to bed.

Staying good friends with an ex is within a spectrum of normal behaviour. It's not possible for everyone, that doesn't mean it's bad.

But lying about it to the current partner is not on. From a point of principle, honesty is the most important thing in a relationship with me. However, from a cynical point of view, it's also a bad idea: if you get caught, you will look guilty when you are not. Volunteer the information that ex was around until 2am: why would you hide it?

"My new DP is loving and sweet and very understanding and we have spoken about this situation many times. " It's obviously a big issue to your dp if you've spoken about it many times. Don't get too complacent that he'll put up with this. I wouldn't.

Cake and eat it springs to mind. Companionship and comfort with the ex, sex and affection with the BF. It will blow up in your face and so it should IMHO. Stop shortchanging your partner or go back to sexless relationship with your ex - I suggest you make the decision before it's made for you.

I've been the DP in this situation and I can assure you it is mental torture. You don't want to come across as jealous/unreasonable/insecure. You want to be able to understand the friendship but the level of contact and lies about it starts to ebb away at the trust. And then you feel cheated because not only are you being very laid back and understanding about the friendship you don't trust, but your partner tried to hide the level of contact from you when you're trying very hard to understand and trust them.

What you are doing to your DP is inconsiderate at best and very selfish at worst. Don' lie to your partner. Make a choice - Do you want to keep the level and secrecy of contact with your ex at the expense of your partners feelings? Or would you rather keep your new partner happy and listen to his concerns and adjust your behaviour accordingly so as to not lose your DP. He isn't asking you to change if you don't want to. He's simply dropping hints that he isn't willing to change and put up with the lies and worries much longer.

Good Luck.

There's no way I'd put up with this.

I would leave you for encouraging someone to drink and drive. That would be enough for me. You said he will suffer the consequences if and when he is caught. I would not want to be around someone who is so blasé about someone putting innocent people's lives at risk, so for that alone I would go.

Add in the rest about you texting your ex daily and him calling you his soul mate etc? I would run like the wind.

Fucking hell. You really need to wake up about the drink driving thing.

Your child is 15. Not a toddler.

At that age he didnt need a sitter, he was perfectly capable of accompanying you to the hospital and getting a taxi home with you after the tests. Your ex didnt need to be there.

You're still hanging on to him.I can see why your BF is pissed off.

As other posters have said - you haven't moved on, you are too emotionally involved with your ex, his girlfriend has seen that and left.

You minimised the evening to your partner. If I was him I would run a mile.

When he says he will try to understand but is not comfortable - he means he is looking for a way out now.

There's no way I'd put up with this.

Me neither.

As pp has said it seems you want you cake and eating it.

I wouldnt put up with it either. You dont seem to take your partners feelings into consideration.