First tentative steps towards freedom....?

[EasyToEatTiger]

Today I met someone from a Womens' Refuge. I can't say I felt like a fraud, and I felt validated. Thank you all you MN people. I could and would not have done it without you all. I guess I am still hoping beyond hope that things will turn out ok, but I have made steps in the event that they don't. We have a meeting next week with CAMH psychiatrist. She knows the steps I am taking. What the hell is going on? My husband, at least for now is behaving like a reasonable human being. In fact, the less I tolerate, the more reasonable he becomes. I expect to be taking part in the Freedom Programme in the next month or so. It is quite exciting. I think I need it, at least just for myself, and for my mum.

Well done 🌹

You are doing well x

No, that's a huge step! Do what you can when you can. Well done

Good on you! He's been getting away with his shit for long enough. Keep walking in the direction you're going.

Make it a step towards what you want OP. Not a step away from anything.

I did a domestic abuse course and it's so worthwhile. You don't realise just how much abuse was going on . It's a massive eye opener and it's absolutely a step in the right direction. Good luck :)

I was talking about all this to a rl friend who wondered if it is something to do with age? My husband was born when dinosaurs roamed the land.

Er, no. That's just an excuse.

Nothing to do with age. Everything to do with being in a bad relationship

I've just made contact with the refuge woman to say I want to go on the Freedom Programme. It's been a long time coming.

Well done!

My husband has the overwhelming desire to BE RIGHT. ALL THE TIME. ABOUT EVERYTHING. I have had a smack of what it feels like to be frigid. My husband trots off every week to a therapist and comes back behaving ever more like a recalcitrent toddler. What the hell is going on? Shrink next week. Home is a kind of hell on earth at the moment.

Nearly all the things I have written on this thread have been said in RL in front of the shrink. I have told the shrink about WA and I have told my husband. I have not told my husband I am taking action. It is a complicated situation. I did not say to my husband in front of the shrink that I have told the dcs' schools about it. I think it has been said though.

Why are you + partner together at psych? Isn't that a bad situation?

It's not a dangerous situation. It's dysfunctional.

Does he take over the discussion?

No. We are both able to speak. He truly believes that I abuse him by saying that I feel as though my role is to Cook, Fuck and Clean. He says he has had a happy family upbringing, so I asked where on earth did he learn his attitudes towards women? I am the second wife who has suffered from sexual dysfunction.

He says he has had a happy family upbringing, so I asked where on earth did he learn his attitudes towards women?

Presumably from his dad, who was I expect perfectly happy in his marriage and didn't give a shiny shit whether your MiL was happy or not.

Is this psychiatrist(?) / marriage counsellor validating your feelings? What does s/he say about the dynamics of your marriage?

Hypothetically, if you were to speak to the psych alone, would you say different things than you do when you're in a session together?

She is referring us to a more specialist therapist. My husband liked a cbt male therapist. I thought he was ok, but he made my skin crawl a bit. Not good.