Totally bereft at misplacing my camera

[hateflying1]

Yesterday was dd's birthday. I used my camera to take photos in the morning. I was rushing round because my teaching agency had phoned with a teaching assistant job. I remember wondering where I had put the camera down and seeing it in a particular place in dd's bedroom.

I went to work and when I came back went to look for the camera there. It wasn't there. I looked around for it in dd's bedroom and other rooms and it was nowhere to be seen. I have tidied dd's bedroom and I still can't find it. Is it possible to move something somewhere and completely forget doing it and where you put it?

This is all complicated by the fact that someone has been painting in our house and part of me is thinking he has taken it (?).

I cannot explain how bad I feel. As if everything is now pointless and as if I have been violated. There were photos on there from last August onwards that I was very attached to and that I was going to use to make a 2015 album.

I feel anxious to the point of not being able to eat or think about anything else. I have asked the painter if he has seen it (had to use Google translate) as it is possible he might have come across it and he shrugged his shoulders and said no disinterestedly. It's not as if he is going to say "oh yes I took it home" in any case.

Do I carry on looking in other rooms like an idiot or should I assume it has been nicked . It is not as if it is that small - surely only small things go missing for days as bigger things are easier to see?

How do I stop feeling so awful ?

I really think you need to stop thinking the painter has taken it and calmly look for it. You've got yourself into a bit of a state about it and it's much harder to look for things when you are feeling the way you do.

Your husband sounds like a bit of a twat.

Is your husband always such a knob?

Are you absolutely sure that he doesn't have it to teach you a lesson?

I think you need to stop blaming the builder unless you have some actual evidence that he has it. So far, his only crime is not speaking English and coming into your house. He'd be unlikely to steal a camera from someone who gives him continued work, and he'd be extremely unlikely to steal a camera from someone whose house he was returning too for the next few days - it would make more sense to swipe something on the last day, so he wouldn't be back and it'd be harder for you to question him about it.

It's highly likely that the camera is in the house. When you find it, you'll suddenly remember moving it from where you vividly remember putting it at the moment to wear it is - it happens all the time. At the moment you can't remember either moving it or where you put it - when you find it, you'll know where you put it and the rest of the memory sequence will complete.

Losing something is unpleasant but you sound extremely anxious. Were you always worried about having strangers in the house? Are you upset about not being at home whilst strangers are there? Is some anxiety about your job or your husband coming out as this?

Try to calm yourself initially, and then deal with your husband. Sort your daughter's party as a distraction. The camera will turn up.

Thanks for your messages.

H can be nasty yes but not enough to intentionally hide the camera.

Your posts read like you've gone into anxiety overdrive which sounds very, very unpleasant for you. It has been very unpleasant - am feeling calmer as spoke to my Dad who said that if it has been taken it is pointless worrying about it and there is nothing I can do. Am trying to keep his rational words in my head. Got flashbacks about lots of separate photos that are on the camera while at work yesterday and could feel my eyes welling up every time so trying not to think about that either.

The thing about not being able to find it is that it is not a tiny object so you'd think that I would have seen it by now. I really hope that I did put it in a weird place and that it turns up but part of me does not see why I would have moved it out of dd's bedroom and it is definitely not there.

The fact that the painter does not speak any English (at all) just means that he is impossible to read as a person as we are totally incommunicado. I also wonder whether, having come from a much poorer country, he thinks that in our cluttered and over full semi we won't miss something like that and have plenty of other things mainly clutter. I know that this is projection but it is very easy to project on to a blank canvas which is what the language barrier does.

Were you always worried about having strangers in the house? Are you upset about not being at home whilst strangers are there? Is some anxiety about your job or your husband coming out as this?

I don't like being out of the house while he is here yes. It's all h's doing as he is the one who with the access to funds and "workers" will suddenly decide what needs doing in our house. This would not be up for discussion (though it's true that our doors and skirting board really needed painting) so cue said stranger spending literally weeks in our house. It also makes me feel guilty that there is somebody labouring away and means that I feel I should be working in the house too the entire time that they are there.

Have more to write but have to start getting ready for work. Will come back later.

I'm sorry about your camera. I really hope it turns up soon. My laptop was stolen in 2013 and three years later I still mourn the precious photographs that I lost. It's a horrible feeling and I really do sympathise.

Does your husband's group of worker contacts include anyone who speaks the painters language and some English? Can you have a conversation with your husband about you needing to ask the painter, as someone who was in the house when camera went missing, if he saw it (so he knows you've missed it) and can he (your H) ask around the work group for a translator. You've exhausted your search and its a reasonable next step.

I really really hope it turns up. I have dorm for moving things when I'm distracted then being completely bewildered when they eventually turn up somewhere I would never have thought.
If it makes you feel any better, my ds (4) accidentally wiped everything from my camera from the last 8 months. So I still have the bloody thing but none of the photos I loved.

Your husband sounds critical and controlling the more you post about him. You having huge anxiety about the camera is probably no coincidence given some of his behaviour.

As I see it, there are two possibilities. Either it is in the house, in which case you can relax a bit, it will turn up. Or the painter has taken it. If you honestly think this is a possibility - which I think it probably is - then you need to find a way of getting it back. Clearly the police are not going to be able to help, and with no evidence you won't be able to threaten him in to giving it back. Is he still working in your house? If so, how about this idea. Use Google translate to form a message to him explaining that you are very, very upset about the loss of the precious photos on your camera, and offer him gratitude and a cash reward (of more than the value of the camera) if he "finds" it in the house while he is working with you. Make sure there is no hint of a threat to him. And then hope that the camera mysteriously turns up tomorrow. It would then be up to you whether to give him the cash - in my case I probably would, I'd be so relieved. But then I'd never, ever ask him back again.

FWIW I completely and utterly understand where you are coming from. I dropped my mobile phone down the loo a couple of years ago and fried it, losing a year's worth of photos in the process. I was utterly devastated by it, extreme as that sounds. So you have my sincere sympathies. I really hope you find it.

I am sorry about your photos scoop and ICanSee .

I did ask the painter whether he has seen the camera Walkacross. I used google translate and as far as I know he understood. He shrugged non-comitally and disinterestedly and said no. The fact that he does not speak English does not of course mean that he nicked it (or vice versa) but he is opaque - even dd said (independently) that she does not like the way he ignores all of us. I suppose it's just an uncomfortable feeling situation.

My H is critical and controlling and this whole episode has really put the nail in the coffin of any affectionate feelings I might have had for him. After years of him being unaffectionate and distant and me being desperate for some physical affection, I don't care any more.

The really distressing thing about all of this is that if the camera was taken then the hypothetical "thief" is still in the house every day "smirking" (projection) at me.

The camera and the photos on it represent(ed) a real comfort to me and I did not realise to what an extent. I have to stop going on about the photos because of course it is not a big problem compared to almost anything else . However my psychological distress over the past few days has been quite something (and am still feeling really wobbly) and to think that I want to train to be a counsellor .

Feel like running away to live closer to my Dad where I feel safe - he lives in another country so not about to happen sadly. Living with H (who also has some nice qualities) is stressful quite a lot of the time and I have had enough. Yesterday he was in a sulk because he needed to leave the house at 4.00pm yet there is no way I can be back from work before about 4.15 at the earliest plus I had to go and pick dd2 up so it would have been later. Not sure how you can sulk about someone being at work .

Thanks for your kind messages.

Sorry cheese missed your message. Have to go back into class so will respond later. I am sorry about your photos as well . Feel like crying (though have stopped welling up in class luckily!).

OP, you need to go and see your GP, and tell him how you are feeling.

Yes I agree. Was thinking earlier that I could do with some anti depressants or something. Maybe not anti depressants but definitely something. Of course if it has been taken then my reaction would be normal (IMO). If it hasn't been then I think I have worrying signs of paranoia .

Don't know if I could do what you suggest cheese as I would have to be sure that the camera is not in the house first.

Have stopped looking for it as the whole thing is too anxiety provoking, so am hoping it will turn up as I tidy / declutter.

I agree with offering the guy a hefty reward if he sees it around as you are so devastated about losing your photos. Its worth a try at least surely. I know how you feel about losing pictures I've misplaced a memory card with pictures on of my firstborn and I feel sick that I may never see them again it's like you can't ever get that moment in time back! I really hope you find your camera asap x

What does it say about me that I should feel so awful with butterflies in my stomach and a generally sick feeling?

it says about you that you are normal. Photography is a life long hobby of mine. I always loved to take pictures and still do.

I would be devastated if I'd lost my camera with pictures from last August on it. In fact I did lose a memory card of mine with London 2012 olympic photos on it. I nearly cried with relief when it showed up months later as those photos were irreplaceable. Now I back up the cards to the laptop and the memory chip.

Try and retrace your steps. Hopefully it will turn up.

Or maybe today is a lucky day a shamrock to help you

Could you find a website that translates for you. Then you could maybe write him a note in his own language that says - I've mislaid my camera, it's got some very precious photos on it. Have you seen it anywhere around the house? You're not accusing him but asking for help??
Photos are precious.
It is normal to be upset that they've been lost ( hopefully temporarily). The anxiety does seem extreme to me though.

I am sorry about your memory card luigi and hope you find it. Photos of newborns are really really precious.

The thing about asking him is that I have already done it once - I said "have you seen my purple camera" using google translate. If I ask him again it will look like an accusation IMO.

H had him working in the garden but he is now in the bathroom re-tiling so that's loads more days of someone in our house. H wants to make sure he is around for some of his work (outside the house) that is coming up so is keeping him occupied in the meantime. Not sure how he can afford it though as he has a massive tax and credit card bill he was trying to pay off .

Really I should be going on a massive tidying spree now so that if it doesn't turn up I can say something (not sure what and how) to the guy before he stops working at our house, but the fear of not finding it and the anxiety that is causing is stopping me at the moment. I already can't believe that it's not in dd's room . It's not small or invisible so that's the other thing .

Thanks for the shamrock sothat and your message smartiepants.

So I feel caught in this horrible limbo - thinking that it is somehow in my power to wrestle it off him (if he has it) but not being able to do it. Limbo and shoulds / what ifs are really painful IMO

I see where you are coming from with it being accusatory.

How long has he got left working for you approximately? I know you find it hard but maybe keep doing a bit of searching each day so you don't get overwhelmed. If you still get no joy there's no harm asking him again if you feel comfortable doing so

I really hope you find it in your house somewhere but to me it does seem dodgy. I would be absolutely livid with my husband for letting him in the house and then the camera disappeared and then he had a terrible attitude to boot. I really feel for you.

Not sure - maybe a week? Yes I will do a little every day.

Am also torturing myself because when I didn't see it in the 1st place I thought it was, I "remembered" putting it in one of dd's drawers (which would have been very near where he was painting) but it wasn't in there either.

So maybe I did put it there, maybe I didn't, but I think the mind is a weird thing and that we can convince ourselves of anything??

I would be absolutely livid with my husband for letting him in the house and then the camera disappeared and then he had a terrible attitude to boot.

Yes that is how I feel .

(And am sleeping on a mattress on dd's floor which is much more comforting than sleeping next to him).

Thanks for your message luigi.

The mind is a weird thing and can trick you. If you were distracted you can think you put it somewhere and didn't I do it all the time. When doing several things at once I put random stuff in the fridge or in the cupboard. I lost my keys last week me and husband turned the house upside down, we found them in my coat pocket where we had both checked once before! So hopefully if you keep looking it'll turn up don't fret whether you thought you put it in the drawer or not don't beat yourself up it won't change anything unfortunately

don't fret whether you thought you put it in the drawer or not don't beat yourself up

Okay - thank you. I will think about this. Little nuggets of advice really help.

I have twice lost a very expensive and sentimental watch through sheer absent mindedness...both times it turned up and I had literally no recollection of putting it in the place it was. I think subconsciously you may have squirreled it away somewhere completely unobvious before the painter came , so unobvious in fact that your mind can't trigger itself to recall it.... You will find it by absolute accident so please relax.