Does you DP/DH tell you what he does when he goes out for the night?

[Thatsnotmycupoftea]

Into town etc?

Posting for opinions as ex DH started an affair with someone he met on a night out so I realise I could be paranoid.

DP goes out once a month into town with his mates. Usually leaves at 7pm and gets home for 3am/4am. I'll say now that he has never given me reason to not trust him. He's very open with his phone, never been caught doing any dodgy online searching etc etc (all the usual stuff that you don't want to find!)

But....if I ask him the next day how his night out was, where did they end up etc he is pretty much silent and changes the subject asap. For example if I ask him how his night was he'll just say 'yeah ok' and then change the subject. If I ask where they ended up he's really vague and will just mention one bar and then change the subject. I also go out once a month and will say to DP oh I saw x and y last night or tell a story about something that happened whilst we were out. Just general yeah and then we went for a dance at x and so and so was there. Ended up in y club for a bit before we came home. To me this is normal conversation just filling each other in on our night out. But talking to DP about it is like getting blood out of a stone.

Kind of lost my temper last night and said 'i don't know why you are being so weird about it, you were out from 7-4 you must have been doing something! He said 'yeah we were in town you know we were' I said yes I know that but did you see anyone? where did you go? He just said god I told you we were at x bar and then got a cab home. X bar closes at 12 so he clearly wasn't there all night.

Just wondering if i'm being paranoid or lots of people don't really discuss what they were doing?

Thanks for reading

Funnily enough it was a conversation (or lack of) with exh about a night out when I knew it was the end of my marriage. He refused to tell me who he was going out with ie being deliberately vague when I was only asking out of interest. Then the next day he didn't tell me anything in the way you normally would just chat about your night.

I don't think he got up to anything, he was just moving away from me, not wanting to share things, starting to want more nights out with the lads, generally getting arsey.

We don't tell each other much if we go out, I'm not sure we are really interested in what the other does when they go out with their friends if I'm honest because most of the time it's pretty uneventful and if your not there telling stories about it just isn't the same.

I think it's a case of either trusting him, or not.

If he's going out chatting up women with an eye to an affair, he's not going to tell you that, is he? So asking about his night really isn't going to yield much at all, beyond 'we went for a couple of drinks here and there'.

I'm guessing that much as you might not want it to, your questioning of his movements after every night out, and then losing your temper when he doesn't give a detailed account, probably does feel like interrogation.

I think it's really fucking odd that the sort of conversation the op describes - 'went to x bar, it was a bit shit so we went on to y and then back to z's' - is being described as her wanting too much detail or her interrogating him.

Weird.

If I'm still up when DH comes home I'll get the whole story of the night, who was there, where they went, what they ate/drank, who went home first, funny things that happened and his mates' news. If it's the following day before I talk to him I'll get much less info

Funny- DH and I had an argument about this very thing the other day. I wanted gossip about his friends and where they went etc and he said I was interrogating him. I call it making conversation but I will not be bothering again.

He was being a mardy old bugger and let's face it was hungover.

that's what he wants i.e. not to question him. why tho?

Maybe he just doesn't find that sort of conversation any craic.

My DH is the chatty sort and is happy to dissect an evening to the nth degree if he's been out with people we have in common, and there's stuff to tell - news, catching up, etc. But he wouldn't have much to tell if I didn't know the people he'd been out with (work, for example). And I wouldn't be interested, to be fair.

Some people just don't enjoy that sort of conversation - doesn't necessarily mean they're hiding nefarious behaviour...

Yup tells me withou me asking as I do him - why wouldn't you want to discuss a fun night out with your best friend? We mostly go out together tbh as its more fun and as I'm over 16 I don't really 'get' the need for 'lads' or 'girls' nights out

Within reason it is reasonable to account for your whereabouts if you are getting in at 04:00

We don't always tell each other in much detail, no. We'd probably swap anecdotes or gossip about specific things but then leave out other bits that didn't seem interesting, so it wouldn't be a full rundown of events.

I think you should trust your instinct, OP. Even if you haven't been cheated on before (and therefore need a bit of extra reassurance) it's perfectly normal to chat to your partner about a night out. If he was a decent partner with nothing to hide, he would understand that you need a bit of reassurance and would be happy to tell you where he went.

How is the relationship apart from this?

Yes he tells me about his night. In excruciating detail. Gossip about Co workers I don't know, their families who I know even less, what beers he drank, how much they cost, what bars they went to, who's idea it was to go there..........I'm grumbling but I quite like it really. I'm the same after a night out!

Yes, DH gets very chatty after a few drinks. He'll give me a run down of who was there and what they were chatting about, and like Heathcliff's other half, will start to tell me the same story again in the morning, not remembering that he'd already told me!