My H left me over a year and a half ago. he had an affair, and left, but swore no-one else was involved. It is definitely over and he is still with OW. We met young and had been together 20 years.
But I just cannot move on. I cry every day. I hate every other week-end without the children. I still think about him/that he's left constantly. It is always on my mind. I miss him. I miss being a family. I feel absolutely broken. I can see no good in the future.
I am angry that he could do this to me and his children. They are actually doing OK-ish - their main problem being a sad and struggling mother. I still care for him and would have done anything to save my marriage and am haunted by 'if onlys'.
I have to see him quite regularly because of the children and each time is so painful. He tells me of holiday plans with the children and I am so sad I can no longer be involved in those. I still have the physical pain of a broken-heart. He is fine and has moved on without a backward glance.
I have read all the advice on here - look forward, make time for you, new hobbies etc. I just cannot get over the loss of my family life, having to juggle events so they fit in with 'my' week-ends. I cannot ever imagine being OK with not being able to see my children every other week-end (and the children are young - I have years of this ahead).
I am realistic about our problems, I can see we had grown apart, both had demanding lives, etc. but there was nothing that couldn't have been fixed. I didn't see it coming. He met the OW and that could have triggered him to discuss us trying to see what had gone wrong. Instead he chose to invest his time in her.
I am going to counselling which helps a bit. Anti-depressants just turned me into a zombie. But my deep sadness just remains and gets no better even after all this time. I just get through life now. I'm emotionally exhausted by all this and beginning to despair about what to do with myself.