Coming up for 3 1/2 years and I have never looked back. I only wish I'd had the courage to do it sooner.
I remember driving away from him, the person I'd invested 12 years of my life into, and just feeling such an immense sense of relief. It was like a huge weight I hadn't been aware of carrying was instantly lifted off my shoulders.
The first few months were tough. Everything I owned fit into 3 suitcases. I didn't have a career or even a job and I had very little money in my 'escape fund'. I was physically out of shape and emotionally worn down to a thread. I also had to justify leaving to so many people (my family included), because in their eyes I'd thrown away a beautiful home, successful business and 'lovely' man.
Except he wasn't lovely at all. He was a selfish, controlling, possessive, manipulative, gaslighting, financially and emotionally abusive, bone idle, sexist bully and saboteur who only ever contributed the absolute minimum to our lives and to the successful business I started from scratch, but brazenly took the credit and lapped up the attention and praise for all my hard work. The useless piece of shit couldn't last more than about 6 months in one job before I had to find him another, was an alcoholic and 'recreational' drug addict with a horrible temper if things didn't go exactly how he wanted, when he wanted.
Whilst I was single (2 years), I worked really hard on myself, concentrating all my energies into positive changes. I was utterly selfish for probably the first time in my adult life and absolutely put my own needs first. It sounds dramatic to say it, but I slowly reclaimed my identity, sense of self-worth and confidence. I became 'me' again. I reconnected with family and the old friends he'd pushed away, took up a long-forgotten sport again (and found I was still quite good at it actually), travelled a lot and didn't have to worry that my hard-earned savings might have evaporated overnight on some frivolous, expensive luxury item that he 'had to have' or on an all-night bender with his mates, or on a 'loan' to his dealer that would be paid back incrementally, in drugs.
My life is unrecognisable now. I am a totally different person and I am so, so, so much happier. I have a healthy amount saved in the bank, am hoping to get on the first rung of the property ladder in the next year or so, am doing things and going places I could only have dreamed about 4 years ago, and I've been dating an absolute gem of a man for the last 18 months who loves and respects me, is my partner in crime and best friend, treats me as the equal I am and does his fair share to contribute to our lives (more at the moment as I've badly broken my ankle).
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you only have to walk toward it.
