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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do you pick yourself up after being screwed over?

47 replies

Iwillnotbeamug · 12/03/2016 18:36

I've been angry and I've been sad.
Now I'm sat on my bed thinking all negative things and I'm done and I need to snap out of this.
How?

OP posts:

Heirhelp · 13/03/2016 16:03

If you have not done it yet' block his phone number and him on social media. Delete his phone number and don't write it down on a piece of paper just in case!

Magazine subscriptions are cheap and are a lovely surprise to come home to.

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 16:19

Unfortunately I know his number off by heart keep deleting it then re adding it to check his whatsapp status.
It's hard to stop that.
Doesn't help he lives 2 minutes from me so always on guard incase he drives past and I look awful.
There were so many red flags,I just chose to ignore them.
Go through phases of missing talking that him then moments where I hate him and the way he treated me.
I'm re decorating my flat so that should keep my head a little occupied.

OP posts:

soaringdoves · 13/03/2016 16:44

I too ignored very very obvious red flags! Try not to check his watsaap though.
I deleted his tel number, blocked him on all social media and made everything super private (in an attempt to also cut things off completely,and totally disappear off his radar, because i know he would have been spying). Its hard not to check but im refusing to let myself look now, partly because what i may find may twist the knife even further, and i am on a steady road to recovery,so i dont want anything to
Set me back. The thing is though i can still see his whatsaap profile/last online etc if i wanted(😷), i have him blocked so he cant see mine but it makes me wonder if hes even deleted my number. I think he is conciously keeping it there so i CAN see his last online etc to get me guessing etc but tbh i dont check anymore & have just recieved my new phone in the post so once i have that set up i can re-download a new watsaap and start afresh and totally wipe him out of my life. He wants to wash his hands of me without a backwards glance? Great, ill help him out with that, he will never see or hear from me again, and this is the attitude you need to try and adopt (as hard as it is).
I genuinely think though that there will come a point where they try to contact (just to test the water imo) but you will have moved on a stronger person and wouldnt even settle for his bullshit if he ever came knocking again. And really theres no going back after this amount of hurt is there? So move on with your head held high ready for lifes next challenge x

soaringdoves · 13/03/2016 17:04

I feel bad for you that you live so close!
I hope your feeling a little stronger, if you do see him remember to keep your head held high, you did nothing wrong x

hurtandconfued2016 · 13/03/2016 17:08

I don't know I'm 8 weeks after ex leaving for ow and I'm still a bloody mess! I wish I could cut him out my life but with a 2 year old and a 2 week old it's never going to happen!

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 17:21

That's rough especially with kids.
It's strange I just checked my Facebook and in my Facebook message requests there is a random message from a person with no photo saying hi but the profile is now deleted.
Makes me wonder if that was him.
The message was sent at 1.30 am in December but just seen it now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 17:23

That's a really good attitude to have soaringdoves ..I keep thinking if he can just cut me out well why can't I.
I think it's mad how you can be so close to someone,share a bed with them,tell them things you wouldn't share ,show affection and then treat them like shit on your shoe.

OP posts:

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 17:24

Tbh recently I've let myself go wearing the same clothes for days,not washing my hair no makeup and that's not me.
I love fashion and loved making myself look nice but lately I've just not had the energy.

OP posts:

TheSilveryPussycat · 13/03/2016 17:27

You are grieving what you hoped your life would be like. Perfectly natural, and all part of the process of healing.

Heirhelp · 13/03/2016 19:29

How long has the 'letting yourself go' been going on? If is since December then I think you need to see your GP as it is a sign of depression.

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 13/03/2016 21:15

It's been a few months.
Sounds awful but every day it's just been the same leggings and jumper.
I did get dressed properly the other day and felt so much better

OP posts:

Heirhelp · 13/03/2016 21:25

It sounds awful that you are so unhappy. You really need to go and see your GP and tell them what is happening.

SoThatHappened · 14/03/2016 00:26

What I found the most difficult was realising how far my judgement had been off.

Me too. When I look back with hindsight, I think WTF was I thinking.

Tbh recently I've let myself go wearing the same clothes for days,not washing my hair no makeup and that's not me.

Same here. Mine is off with someone else dating her properly and I bet being alot nicer.

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 14/03/2016 07:13

Sothathappened ..think to yourself he might be dating someone else but it seems like his nature is to be a rat,so regardless if he is being "nice" to her now it won't last.
His true colours will surface and he will end up doing the same to her.
I understand tho because I always think the same.
It's just easier to see a situation and people for what they really are when your not invested in it yourself.

OP posts:

TheSilveryPussycat · 14/03/2016 09:35

Popping by to say it does sound as if you might have become depressed. I used to be, and can so identify with the minimal hygiene and same clothes syndrome. I did find, however, if I could somehow make myself have a bath or shower, it helped. I used to run the bath (hot only), but not get in straight away. Kind of divides the task up, and by the time it had cooled enough, well, I didn't want to waste it, and could just get in...

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 14/03/2016 09:38

I've made it my mission to get up today and make myself look nice.
I've washed my hair and put my makeup on even got some whistles on my way to the shop

OP posts:

Pinkheart5915 · 14/03/2016 09:48

Go you!!
When I wear look nice I always feel so much more confident.
You deserve so much better than a guy that treats you the way he did.

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 14/03/2016 16:57

Honestly today has been great.
Went shopping for new clothes,felt good about myself.
God knows how il feel tomorrow I might be tearing my hair out but for today I'm happy

OP posts:

Pinkheart5915 · 14/03/2016 17:05

that's good to hear. Maybe your on your way to getting over this.

Do you have a friends you could go out with for lunch or a drink with at the weekend? show off those new clothes.

You will meet somebody else when the time is right and you will be happy.

TheSilveryPussycat · 14/03/2016 17:35

So glad to read your update :)

Original poster

Iwillnotbeamug · 14/03/2016 17:51

Yes I'm out with a friend at the weekend and off to see Adele in concert next week very excited.
So lots to take my mind off things.

OP posts:

SoThatHappened · 14/03/2016 19:53

Im in the house all day. Still not dressed.

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