I have just told my husband why I am upset and he has walked out (again)

[EasyToEatTiger]

I told him I still hurt from being hit although it was a long time ago. I told him I didn't like being called a cunt. I told him that his temper tantrums frightened me. He told me to shut up, that I was mad and to stop going on and on and on. Then he walked out. He is adamant that he is not abusive and that I am the one with all the problems. He also called me a psychopath. He called dd a psychopath too. Luckily not to her face but in front of the child psychiatrist.
I would hope that a normal person would not instantly seek to defend themselves, but would be shocked that their behaviour had had such an impact. He also thinks it has been ok to grope me in the night as it is his way of showing affection. I think he is rather surprised that I do not find it like that. Dear God.

I know we are all different & I don't mean to judge but what is keeping you staying? I just find it a bit

You've already said your own child's well-being is suffering. What more to you want to happen?

Oh I can easily see why you've stayed so far EasytoEat.

But, I think you are just getting to the stage where you realise you have choices. You may even be getting to the stage where you can see how much easier and better your life and the of your DDs could be without him.

I'll reiterate what others have said. This man is nasty. Truly nasty. He will never be the person you want him to be. He will never see your side. He doesn't have it in him. He's not a whole person. This will not happen. Ever.

There is help out there if you want it. Your life doesn't have to be this way.

Well at least the child psychiatrist has witnessed first hand what he's like. Is that his new buzzword? Talk about projection.

Seriously though, don't discuss with him how you feel anymore, especially if he's getting angrier. Save your energy. Just keep on planning your exit if that's what you've started doing. Don't engage.

And as Fidelia says, make sure his threats are recorded.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel bitterly lonely living where I do, and really I have no close friends AT ALL locally. My immediate family are a dysfunctional disaster, and my mum was afflicted by early onset Alzheimer's, likely in part caused by living with my father. So it's a mess. I have been advised through MN that my husband is abusive in the past. It takes time to realise and understand that there is something going on that really is not my fault. It is not easy to pack up my bags and leave. Not only are there the dcs, but animals too. And of course the question of money. Like my siblings, I have suffered enormously from severe feelings of worthlessness. Literally being worth nothing. It makes getting an ordinary job very difficult, and much of my energy has been spent simply (or not so simply) through therapy, trying to find a way to live rather than ways to die.
To say I am afraid, really barely touches the sides.

if you can get yourself and your dcc to a safe place, you can call an animal protection agency from the shelter , if you are scared about the livestock. You and the dcc come first.

He's left he's left he's left!!!!! It is very early days and I'm sure he's plotting. He wants CAFCASS involved. The children have already said what they want and I have told him they can stay with him when they like. I don't see the need for it to be written in stone which he will then ignore.

Women's Aid have been just fantastic and it was the police who persuaded him to move out. He hasn't been charged with anything and consent to him is an alien word. At least now he is no longer my husband and he is no longer in the same house. The house is being sold at long last, and I feel more comfortable in the kitchen. Progress!

I am shocked by how more relaxed I feel. I've had to stop the rape crisis counselling because it was like fighting the tide with him still in the house and it's time-limited. I have a new bed. For now, I am pleased, relieved and calmer. Rant over. This is an adventure nobody would choose. I was blind to it for years.

What a lovely update WellDoneTiger I'm so pleased for you

You can get a residency order so he has to leave. Sounds like that might be the way forward? Please talk to Womens’ Aid.

I hope you find peace now. He will throw all sorts at you, but you have done the right thing.

The advantage of not having a court order is that DC are not forced to go and see him. If they have expressed a wish, and you are able to facilitate that safely, there is nothing else to do right now

@Maelstrop

Things have moved on. He's left.

Excellent update Tiger. Just brilliant.

I'm so pleased to be able to share some good news. It has been such a long haul and without all of you I wouldn't be here in this position. Thank you!!

Read the thread and want to cheer! Hurray for you, OP. Things can only get better. You should be so proud of yourself.