things move faster when you're older

[83mummypig]

With my ex, we were together 4 years before we lived together and another 4 years before engagement and another 2 years for a baby.

After being single in my 30s, and meeting someone last year,I'm now mid 30s and my boyf and I are approaching a year so talking about progressing and moving in. My girlfriends think I'm crazy and we should be togther for a couple of years first. I've tried telling them that when you're older you are more maturer and in my case I have learnt various lessons.

So, what's your opinion, did things work faster for you?

One of my best friends met a guy on Tinder and they moved in together about 7 months later. they are getting married next month (less than 2 years since their first date). and like Curlyhaired . . . my friend was by no means desperate, and she has very high standards.

it just works.

I hope it works out for you OP!

Good luck!

Thank you for your responses. My friends are quite the opposite, they absolutely adore him. However, none are single and have been with their OHs since teens.

I don't need feel in a rush to move in together, so we are talking about it, but bot actually planning a date, if that makes sense? However as someone who is a bit wiser, I feel that I know more what I want.

Yes, I do have a child and will put her first and take things steady.

But I've found that my approach to finding someone has been more methodical in a way, because I am wiser. We've both discussed what we want from life and that we are on the same page.

I think my habit is I think too much about others opinions, whereas I don't put myself first. In this case, knowing when something feels right. I don't think living togther is on the cards for 5 or so months yet...at least

I think it's totally fine to be discussing and exploring it with him at this point. You want to know there is a future.

I am discussing living together with my bf of just over a year and tbh I'd be worried if we weren't. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't envisage a long term future with me at this age, even if we don't actually do it right away. I'm thinking we might bite the bullet in the next year or so. In some ways I don't want to rush past all the nice "dating" bit!

Totally agree fedup!

I think time is less important that having your eyes open. I waited 7 years to move in with first bf, only to realise living together was way different than dating him. Moved in with second after a year, and yes a lot did go wrong but it would have been the same if I'd waited. I don't regret second as I couldn't have known, but the first I should have.

Yep, I agree discussing it is okay. I wouldn't be rushing to move in but it doesn't sound like you are.

I knew a woman in her thirties marry a man she didn't want to go on honeymoon alone with, guess gow old the kids was when they got divorced.

I think people do move quicker when they're older, for various reasons.

The good reasons:
-You're older, wiser and in a position to make more sensible and informed choices.
-You've learnt from previous mistakes.
-You know what you want in a partner.
-You're more able to have a rational, grown up conversation with your BF about what you both want, and go for it, no point wasting anymore time for arbitrary reasons.

But some people move quickly for bad reasons. Desperation, controlling abusive reasons, immature whirlwind romances than fall apart spectacularly quickly, because they love the drama, because they just can't be single or be independent. Etc.

So I guess it depends what the reasons are.

Aye, you sum it up perfectly!

I think sometimes you just know. I did the conventional dating for two years, living together for another two years before marrying my DH. We've been married for 40 years, and I knew after a couple of months that he was the one!

Another one who finds the "market" analogy pretty shallow and crass. Does that include those of us who were widowed prematurely and had to completely reconfigure our shattered lives?

My DH (as of yesterday!) and I knew very early on, like after our first date, that we wanted to be together but it took quite a few years to integrate our lives for various reasons.

I think the glue that stuck us together, love aside, was our often stated intention to be with each other, even when we couldn't get specific on timings. If you have no constraints and you both want it to happen, then a year is not too soon. Its having the confidence in the relationship that makes a difference. I read so often on here about couple getting together when one or other is not pulling their weight, in terms of making stuff happen, so the other person is left doing all the heavy lifting. Those sort of tell tale signs shouldn't be ignored.

Are you both equally keen?

Be honest with yourselves and each other if it feels right, then go for it, set a few timescales around the practicalities of living arrangements, and things will gain a momentum of their own.

In London, met DH moved in with him 5 months later. Married 18 months after that and have been together 14 years.

My memory is that the serious relationships that started in mine and friends late 20s all let to getting married at 30. No divorces yet....

I moved in with my other half after 6 months and we have been together 2 and a half years and have a 2 week old DS together now, now had I have done that with my ex I would have been stupid but like you I now have the benefit of being older and wiser (perhaps even cynical) so went in to this relationship more confident and wiser about we both know where we stood and what we wanted from the relationship and are on the same page, not something that could have been said about my previous relationship

Go with your gut instinct and don't worry about other people's opinions...it's your life. Good luck for your future

You really do not know someone until you live with them. Why waste years of your time just to move in together and find out that your not compatible. You are the only one that can decide how soon is too soon.

Only realised this was old when I saw my previous reply! To update, we've now been together 6 years, are married and have a nearly 4 year old and nearly 2 year old
We moved in together after a year but were childless at that time.

I agree with what @AyeAmarok says.

My Dp and I have moved quite quickly in terms of our relationship. I met him three months after I separated from my STBXH, although our marriage had been over for three or four years so I'd had time to process things. He had been separated about 18 months. We said our first 'I love you' after about three months, we met each others kids/our kids met each other after six months, and we started staying over when the kids were there at about 8 months. We've not talked about moving in yet, but it certainly feels like we are trying to knit our lives together. It has just progressed naturally, and it is absolutely right for us.

We know what we want (and maybe more importantly what we don't want and won't put up with), and DP and I are much more mature and able to talk about our relationship, which we do often. We are completely on the same page in terms of what we want out of life, our values, the way we want to raise our respective children (two each, no plans for children together - this has been discussed).

Go with your gut.

Met my fiancé at 35, he's 43. Moved in after 3 months, engaged after 6....now planning wedding and blissfully happy

Age and experience play a big part.

I think you go at your own pace. Everyone is different

My friend... She's 60. Met her husband and within 2 weeks married. Been together 35 years x

OP I think we just cut the bs out over time restraints and do whatever makes us happy.

I met my DP last November, made it official January and he was pretty much moved in to mine by April.

No regrets. Don’t put pressure on it, if you feel happy about it then go ahead. By posting here something tells me there might be something holding you back or giving you doubt though?

Go at your own pace.
For me it would depend on circumstances.
Do you both own properties?
Are you planning to sell up and buy together?
Will you just be renting.
Don't give up any benefits. Make sure you will be 'better off' living together than apart.