Been done over by a liar

[anxiousmess]

I was seeing this bloke, he told a lot of lies. I had some odd jobs needed doing, and was going to call tradespeople but he told me he could do them all , in fact Said had had house maintenance jobs before so it was second nature to him. he wrecked my house.
We fell out over many things. I asked him for money to rectify the house wreckage and he accused me of being a gold digger!
It ended with me calling the police for harassment and now he's not allowed to contact me.
I have ill health and am slowly trying to put my life back together.
I've started to gave the jobs fixed, so far it has cost me £209 but there's a lot more cock ups to fix
He's not going to pay of course and now police have spoken to him it would look mad if I pursued him for this money.

His parents are rich and always bail him out. Is it worth me appealing to them? My rational brain says let sleeping dogs lie, but my dog isn't sleeping, it will have cost best part of a grand to fix it all, if not more.
I'm a single working mum . I'm so angry at myself for trusting him, he was so insistent and I'm so tired all the time, I really hate spending this money when I should have not believed him and should have paid professionals in the first place.

That's it 2rebecca I can see it now. I won't blame the site for behaving oddly on that one!

I don't think you should approach his parents.
Common sense after he messed one odd job would of been not to let him attempt the rest.
Think you have to suck it up as a lesson learnt

you have nothing to lose by telling his parents a full accounting of the sit you find yourself in due to their son's lies and incompetence. Also tell them about your ill health and that you need to fix the mess made by their son so you can sell the house. It's up to them whether they choose to pay up or not. Go for it,op.

I'm so sorry you're in such a mess, it is depressing, especially if caused by someone else.
Things like tiling I've done myself, admittedly it's the most amount of fun but when you don't have the money to pay tradesmen sometimes it's the only way.
I'm a single parent to 3 boys and I've managed to do all sorts of diy bits by myself just from doing a bit of research. I don't do anything electrically though- that's just dangerous!
Could you list what jobs need doing- I bet you could manage some things yourself.
How big are the ceiling holes? It sounds like it could just be a case of a tub of filler if they're not big, then a little sanding when dry, retouch with paint.

Does that programme still run? Cowboy builders? Wonder if you'd get anywhere with that?

You can buy cheap stick on lino tiles for the bathroom floor. They're easy to fit, and at least will all match, and look clean. You only need a Stanley knife to cut to fit or even a really good pair of scissors.

Hi darrenhardys, I don't know about colours, my mn pages are always the same, shades of blue, posts and posters always look the same, maybe something I'm missing? I'm intrigued now! I'm on an iPad if that makes a difference.

I think I will try and come to terms with it, well obviously I wil have to, it's not life or death but it did bring me down quite significantly but it was just shit upon layers and layers of other shit.

When life is going badly and you have lost control of some situations it's easy to surrender all control and let somebody have the driving seat even tho you know it's the wrong driver. So although I may look stupid to some of you my reserves were low, I was not in the right frame of mind to keep defending and battling.

This house situation is a small snapshot of the things he did, things also went missing which I am only discovering as time goes on, plus of course the daily emotional manipulation, if you are a regular on here you will know all about gas lighting and I know that this man was manipulating situations to make me dependant on him.
It took all my remaining strength to fend him off, he bragged often that he never takes no for an answer and he was a classic charmer at first. I learned a lot on here!

Amarmai, you are articulating my original thoughts and feelings on the whole idea

www.diy.com/departments/flooring-tiling/flooring-underlay/vinyl-flooring/self-adhesive-vinyl-tiles/DIY566441.cat

I certainly wouldn't blame you for telling his parents.

Thebakeryqueen. Thank you for your lovely messages, just made me cry a little bit. You will be my motivator today!
Tub of filler can be easily obtained and I already have sandpaper!
Not sure about tiling but it's a good goal to have! YouTube is good for day stuff!
Sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees, everything gets so overwhelming, I only have two kids so fair play to you on your own with three!

That's another thing that gets me down is allowing that dickhead in my life and letting him distract me from my own responsibilities. He tried to force his way in go our lives and I'm fully aware of my role in it.

Things were hard before I met him and I guess a part of me thought he was going to enhance my life, I learned very early on he was a liability but I just couldn't shake him off so part of sighed and resigned myself to his crap until I could gird my loins and put on my armour.

If I hadn't called the police he would still be on at me daily!

Cross post with the YouTube link, great minds! Thank you thank you thank you (don't let anyone see this X)

Have a big hug, let's just pretend this isn't Mumsnet for a bit
Glad I helped spur you on a bit and wishing you lots of luck with the diy.
It's actually a really empowering feeling when you learn new skills yourself. I do realise it's difficult with children around though, so go easy on yourself, take your time and just persevere with it.
Have you got anyone to help out with the children to give you a bit of time?

anxious, just to explain about the colours. You can change it in settings so that the OP's posts on a thread show up as a different colour to other contributors posts. I find it really helpful, especially when a thread gets long and I need to go back to a point made by OP. You can have it that way across your devices.
It works until the OP name changes, or in this case changes to a capitalized letter.
It's not a problem, I just though the site was playing up for me in a weird way as I hadn't noticed your capital A on that post.

As for your house problems, I like the idea of having a go at some of the smaller bits yourself, if you feel up to it. Agree with BQ it will help you feel empowered. Sorry this has happened

Definitely do some of it yourself!
When I suggested it you said you were physically incapable which I assumed (as you'd also mentioned illness) that you had a disability that prevented you from having a go. Sounds like you actually meant you didn't currently have those part manual skills. So get them! Loads of tutorials online. Start simple and take it slow. As well as being cheaper, you'll get a confidence boost from managing it yourself!

Hi cabrinha thanks for your message. it's things like replacing bath panel and anything that involves weird positions, bending, lifting etc, I can't lift and can't stay in any position for longtime due to joints and I have terrible fatigue, when combined with mental health issues too I become completely inept, I was very 'emotional' yesterday and when you suggested it I hadn't really digested what you said. I used to be very independent and capable, I still haven't come to terms with my limitations , I can't do a worse job than he has done tho, surely?!

Of course incapable of the electrical work but most of that is done now.

breaking it down eg just the ceiling holes to start I think I can manage if I approach it right. It will be hard as well as Tiling will be hard as I'll be constantly reaching and climbing, I struggle with anything that involves lifting and bending legs, hips and knees.
I have to repaint where walls and ceiling stained after flood plus all the gouges in various places.
I will do what I can tho, I definitely can't do bath panel.
I'm feeling much more positive today after all your suggestions, I was seeing the whole picture instead of breaking it down!

Thank you for the hug bakeryqueen. I really struggle with all of this as on my own, crappy family and sometimes it's places like mn where I can get the practical help,the logic and I get so overwhelmed I need people like you just to tell me what to do, I know it sounds weak but that's how it is.

The kids have ample time with their dad so I'm lucky there, I do tend to sleep a lot tho when he has them to make up for my fatigue , I'm trying to get better at filling my time effectively but when I have no energy I can't do anything anyway so might as well sleep!

You didn't sound weak, you sounded overwhelmed but there is a real change of tone in your last few posts.
Sometimes it's just getting that bit of focus back isn't it?

I know it's cheesy but you know the saying 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'? Well I've always firmly believed this.

You've had a really shitty experience but you know you'd never fall for someone' scrap again don't you? And now you're gonna put some of the jobs right yourself, bit by bit, and you'll come out the other side feeling empowered.

It's a lovely day for a bit of diy. It's sunny here, hope it is wherever you are. The Spring always make me feel more proactive.

Someone's crap!

The sunshine definitely helps. I have been v proactive over the weekend, mainly in the garden but I have a list of the things I need to start the ball rolling indoors.
Just having the list and having worked hard on the lawn and garden yesterday gives me hope and reassurance that I can do a lot more for myself as long as I pace myself and don't let it become overwhelming.

Yay! That sounds like a real positive step in the right direction, and I think it's the starting that's the hard bit isn't it?

Bet you did a better job of it than your ex would've done too!