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Original poster

Help me reply to this message

54 replies

Weymouthmouth · 09/03/2016 19:07

So about 20 years ago when I was 16/17 I had a boyfriend for about a year, went our separate ways (I ended it, he was gutted) quite soon after he then met someone else got married and had kids.

Over the years seen him & wife around handful of times, and we are polite etc.

On Saturday I got a Facebook message from him, saying "hi how's you" was busy didn't respond and didn't think much of it, the next day my sister (who works with his dad) told me that they had recently split up (like very recent 2 weeks max) his wife choice she just said she didn't want to be with him etc.

So i thought ok that explains the message considering we are not Facebook friends etc and was a little like for god sake what is it with men, suddenly he wants contact!

So I still didn't answer then today I get this message from him " prob should of mentioned in my message him single now" Shock

No I have no Intrest in him, don't want to meet him etc but also don't want to be rude, what can I reply kind of ending the convo?

I was thinking something along the lines of "sorry to hear that, take care of yourself"

Oh and he will 100% know I'm also single

OP posts:
liberatedwine · 09/03/2016 20:21

He's hoping for some nostalgic romance a no-strings shag to show his wife he's still got it.

Ignore him.

LionHearty · 09/03/2016 20:25

20 yrs ago! Why on earth would you reply? Must women always be polite, compliant and agreeable, never upsetting men's feelings? Jeez.

LionHearty · 09/03/2016 20:26

Not directed at you OP, but some posters are running scared of upsetting the menz

Labradorlover01 · 09/03/2016 20:27

Sounds like you have mutual contacts and therefore you will probably bump into him again somewhere down the line...what you've suggested is fine or what heartstrumpsdiamonds has put ..both seem fine and I would say make it clear you are purely being polite and nothing more.

Stillunexpected · 09/03/2016 20:30

Presumably you are not friends with this man on FB so his messages would have gone in the "other" folder? Most people don't ever check that so it is entirely possible that you could say you hadn't even seen the messages, if you ever bump into him again.

Seeyounearertime · 09/03/2016 20:34

I domnt think they have an "Other" folder any more do they?
I believe you get the message ina "message request" thingy?

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 09/03/2016 20:34

I like pocketsaviour's reply best. Grin

slug · 09/03/2016 20:39

Send him a few links to online dating sites with no comment

Thisisnotausername · 09/03/2016 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weymouthmouth · 09/03/2016 20:51

thisisnot that's brillent love it Grin

OP posts:
Follyfoot · 09/03/2016 22:29

I dont think it's at all rude to ignore his message. So many people feel beholden to social media these days. I dont get it.

He emailed, you didnt reply, he should have left it there.

TheNaze73 · 09/03/2016 23:14

I'd just block

Slowdecrease · 09/03/2016 23:24

Don't reply or you'll never get shut of him. If have an ex from 25 years ago fb msg me, I was polite back....that was a year and a half a go, he's still at it! Comments on the photos of me and my partner with nostalgic stuff about me and him, but with a smiley face so it's all 'ok' ...he doesn't mean any harm and sometimes I'll message him back and say hello sometimes I dont, he's asked to meet up for old times sake for a catch up a few times, I just ignore that. Its no big dilemma.

twopinkkittens · 10/03/2016 00:07

He us after an ego boost. Ignore his messages. Actions speak louder than words.

RupertPupkin · 10/03/2016 00:12

Ignore. You don't owe him anything.

Mind you I do like pocketsaviour's response...

Lanark2 · 10/03/2016 00:18

Jeez, just be sympathetic, he might just want to connect with someone he trusted who might know a little bit about why he is OK as a human... If an ex of mine contacted from ages ago I would think they were a bit lost and seeking reassurance.

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2016 06:59
Hmm
Oysterbabe · 10/03/2016 07:18

I'm in the ignore camp.

Cabrinha · 10/03/2016 07:41

Lanark2, you're very nice, but also a bit naïve!
He's after an ego boost or a shag. People do this all the time - break up, run through your back catalogue. Even if he just feels a bit lost and wants to talk... he's had 20 years to find someone more appropriate, someone who is a friend.

It is not rude to not reply.
It would be rude of him to expect a response.

OP, if you feel rude, then remember two things:

  1. You are one of a number of women he'll have messaged
  1. He isn't even interested in you though to say more than "how's you" and "I'm single". No... It's been years (potted life history) followed (questions about you)
Although why would he when it's a copy and paste job?

The simplest thing is to ignore it, like the other women will.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 10/03/2016 07:52

I love what Cabrinha says - very wise woman.

By I still love pocketsaviour's pedantry. Grin

RubyChewsDay · 10/03/2016 08:00

Ignore. Hes probably messaged a load of women waiting for one to
shag meet.

He doesnt know how often you use facebook, unless he can see you have read his message.

God, hes probably told his ex that hes in demand already Hmm

MoominPie22 · 10/03/2016 08:08

God doesn't that just reek of arrogance though? With a hint of desperation! As if you've bn circling him for 2 decades just waiting for him to become available againHmm
At least you're wise to him, cocky swine! I wouldn't friend him on FB or do anything differently to what u have bn doin these past 20yrs. If you've not engaged with him during all this time, don't start now. He's just wantin a response and to get a conversation goin. Don't give him the satisfaction. He'll get the message.

Original poster
Weymouthmouth · 10/03/2016 13:00

Well I went with "Ahhhhh sorry to hear that, good luck for the future"

Seems to of done the trick, he didn't respond so hopefully he will get the message he is not getting a ego boost from me

OP posts:
VulcanWoman · 10/03/2016 13:10

I think that's best, so if you ever bump into him you won't have to lie and say you didn't get the message, clear conscience.

Cabrinha · 10/03/2016 15:54

It's done now, and I think that was a good "not interested" message 👍

But don't ever feel guilty about lying about an unsolicited email. It's just like telling a double glazing salesman "oh we just had it done / rent / are emigrating". You ain't gonna burn in hell for it!

I had a fb message from an ex friend (a total b*tch) trying to rekindle contact - doubtless she wanted something from me as per usual. Bumped into her totally unexpectedly a few months later. She said in questioning tone "I send you a message on fb..."
God it felt good to just say "yes, I got it"!!