Does anyone feel as though they have never quite met 'the one'?

[whostolethesocks]

Not sure why I'm posting but I often wonder whether I have settled for people and had relationships with people who I have got on well with, even had strong feelings for and loved but never quite been sure whether they are 'the one'. Does that make sense? I've had several serious relationships and a broken marriage and a current partner but always wondered whether I should be expecting more.

I don't think that is only one person is this entire world for another person. I think that there are many people who you are compatible with though.

But I don't think that I am in the right frame of mind to believe even if it were true at this moment in time.

What Brabit said.

I got lucky - I had very nice, happy and healthy relationships but never really felt strongly enough to settle down. At the point where I was starting to worry about never having children and second guess myself, I met my DP and I realised I had been right. There was something "more" or "better". The way I feel about him is so completely different to the way I felt about other men. I am so glad I stuck to my guns but I also recognise I was incredibly lucky for the stars to align at the right time etc.

I'm sure there are plenty of people happily living out "good enough" relationships and nothing wrong with that. I think for women there does come a point when the music stops, particularly if you want children and a family. But I'm really glad I couldn't do it.

Should also say, not all roses and skipping off into the sunset and no guarantee that it will last etc. etc. But I am completely in love with DP in a way that doesn't bear comparison with the affection I felt for previous partners.

It's utter bollocks. Even if it was true, The One could still turn out to be a financially abusive git, or something.

I feel like I've met loads of 'ones'

You are The One, whostolethesocks. And the degree to which you feel a sense of longing and/or disconnect in relationship is the degree to which you feel that longing for and disconnect with yourself.

Thinking "The One" is out there conveniently saves us from the work that is asking us to be done on ourselves. We'll look for ages, we'll pretend we've found it (until we find we haven't) - when all we needed to do was look in the mirror.

i dont think there is "the one", but that doesnt mean you need to settle for someone who you dont have a strong connection with if you dont want to.

gate I like your way to look at things.

It is true that often, it's not who is i front of us that is the problem, it's ourselves.

My issue with the idea of 'The One' is that it's also used a lot of validate not 'working on' your relationship and putting some effort in because surely, if things aren't going well just like this, he can't be 'The One', can he?

'The one' doesn't exist. Everyone's got flaws.

There is no "the one". It's a fantasy.

I felt like I'd met a one. Then when he dumped me I realised what a coward he was, and I realised he was cruel. he could have said ''it's not you it's me'' but basically he told me ''it's you'' which was so unnecessarily cruel and painful. He continued to socialise with mutual friends and they all looked at me with pity for being weak and finiding it hard. So, ''the one'' or even 'a one' always been sceptical. I think feels grow and it takes time to see if you work together or not. Chemistry, compatibility, respect, Kindness, communication styles.... it might sound very practical but now I think like that. It could work with lots of people. I don't meet them though

I reckon for most people the idea of "The One" is a bit too idealistic and the best we can all hope for is to find somebody whoo doesn't get on our nerves too much.

Whoo = who. Barn owls editing my posts again.

I feel like I met a man who fits my ideology of 'the one'. We had passion, understanding, intelligent conversation, we laughed together and cried together. There was never any doubt in my mind that we'd spend the rest of our lives together. What we felt for each other was on a level neither of us had felt before. It was this intense attraction that drew us together. And we broke up.

I doubt I'll ever feel like that about anyone else, and I don't want to. There are things that are more important. Now what I want is to meet someone who I am compatible with, who I'm happy with, someone who is as committed to me as I am to him. Someone who wants the same things as I do.

With my ex I always felt like I was dreaming. There are factors I'd look for in a future relationship but I don't feel like I need the same kind of deep intense love I felt with him. I've had that. And while it was wonderful, it was also heartbreaking. I think I'd be scared to ever feel that deeply about another man. He might've been my 'one' but that doesn't mean we were meant to be together.

Btw I don't feel like I've met the one, which I agree is romantic movie bullshit.

I just mean that if you have a feeling there's something more or that your heart isn't completely in your relationship (and it never has been I.e. It's not just that you're going through a rough patch) you should listen to that feeling and respect it. I'm glad I did.

Obviously it's hard if you are a woman trying to decide whether to commit when time is running out for having children. I guess then the question is how important children/ a family are for you. I came to the conclusion that I would rather not have children at all than have them with the wrong person.