Will I regret not maintaining friendships?

[MrsKilminster]

I'm a 58 year old single mum with a DD of 16 - we have a very good relationship and enjoy eachother's company. I have a fulfilling part-time job and several colleagues who are friends, a home which I love, no major money worries and I'm very close to my mum and brothers. I have interests and a dog who gets me out walking every day.

I have however let virtually all my friendships lapse over the past few years. My social life consists of seeing a friend maybe every other week for coffee and infrequent text exchanges and phone calls. I could do more than this but simply haven't got the inclination or energy. The thought of going out in the evenings or travelling to see people doesn't appeal at all - I'd rather be at home with a book or good film. I do worry though that DD might think that I'm a loner (although she's never said anything) and that when she leaves to go to uni, I'll regret that I haven't got someone close to turn to. On the other hand, maybe I should just accept that this is the way I am; I've always been an introvert and liked my own company and this has become even more the case as I've got older. Can anyone relate to this?

I sort of relate in that I feel I have full life and maintaining friendships takes time and effort which I sometimes wish I did not have to expend (I have 4 young kids, a husband, a career I love which requires me to work 4 days a week and travel and socialise, nice colleagues...)

But I think I would regret letting all friendships slip so I have chosen two/three that I really value and I make sure I keep in regular contact with those friends. I know that once my kids are older, or if DH was to die, or something else was to change then I would really need my friends. I make zero effort to make new friends though.

Might you feel differently when your DD leaves home and gets a partner?

I think it depends on the kind of person you are. I'm very introverted and have let all of my friendships drift over the past few years. I only socialise with my family and DH now, and I'm very happy with my own company and being able to devote time to interests that I'd have to compromise on if I spent more time maintaining friendships.

I don't think it's something I'd regret, and of course there are ways to meet new people all the time if you feel you want to start socialising more. A lot of people might think of it as odd but if you're happy with your own company and don't need regular contact with other people then I don't see it as a problem.

You sound very content Arietta. And it's true I suppose, if I ever decide I need to get out there more, there are always opportunities to meet new people.

When I realised how relieved I felt when friends cancelled plans, I took stock and let my friendships go. If I wasn't looking forward to meeting up what was the point? My oldest friend died and she's irreplaceable, so being an introvert I've just let my natural inclination take over. If I decided in the future that I needed more company I would seek it out, but I'm content as I am for now.

I'm sorry about your friend Tingon but glad you're content. I'm the same, apart from one close friend I don't really look forward to meeting up and I've actually declined invitations from new people I've met because I'm not looking for any more friendships. My issue is that I feel I ought to be meeting people (because it's socially acceptable I suppose) and what I should be is more accepting of myself, even if it's not the norm.

I'm a happy introvert and get most of my social interactions from colleagues at work. I go out maybe once every 6wks or so to meet up with one or two people (ex colleagues both!) who I like to catch up with. My son left home 2 years ago and I'm single. I'm very happy with the level of social interaction I get. If I felt the need for more, I'd probably look at meetup.com or similar.

I do get what you mean about your child thinking of you as a loner, but I'm not going to create meaningless fake friendships just to set him an example. I think it's equally an important lesson that he should be happy and comfortable with his own company. Anyway I already act as a role model in dozens of other ways that I'm really good at, so I'm not going to sweat it :)

Ah, here you are

I'm in touch with friends daily but can't face all the trekking about (London based ) to see them. I also like to be home as much as possible. I would never let friendships slide but if you find them unimportant, fair enough. I do have much less need for people than others seem to.

It depends on why you think you will regret it later in life. Are you worried your social needs won't be met ( people might have established friendship circles with friends they have a long shared history with)? Or are you worried you won't have friends to turn to for help and advice if you are going through a tough time?

I'm an introvert and short on time. I have some friends I see 2-3 times a year with the odd text in between. It works for me and I wouldn't want to see them more often unless we are going to an event as my life is not that exciting and not a lot changes in 2-3 weeks! I am genuinely interested in people and how they are getting on and sharing any news. I would only meet up with people I enjoyed spending time with though.

Everybody is different. Friends will always be friends even though you haven't talk for a long time. I feel you too. Sometimes I'd rather be home tucked in my bed with a book. My friends and I see each other when they are not busy and still the bonding is there.