No friends

[Clarissa69]

Hi,

I am wondering if having close female friends is worth the effort? I made a close group of friends at my sons' school and one of them has stopped talking to me - she barely acknowledges my existence. Because she doesn't speak to me, our mutual friends have made it obvious that they are 'with' her by going all quiet and awkward if I approach. This friend is very active at the school and does lots of organising of collections for teachers, nights out etc and because of this I am being left out of the loop by her and am finding out either too late or only if someone mentions it in passing. I came off Facebook recently too. The reason this friend has stopped talking to me is because I felt that I was doing all the running and communicating with her so I stopped....and she didn't bother. I don't value her as a friend anymore and I don't want to confront her as she has a very nasty streak and so does her best friend (nice).

I just feel now that I always end up being the one in a group of friends/friendship that has to do all the running or what has happened a lot is that I introduce my friend to someone and they leave me out! I am sick of it. I am upset as I was a real support to this particular friend in hard times. I feel like billy no mates on the school run as everyone thinks she is lovely (I know different) and if you don't tow the line with her she takes the funnies and falls out with you. Any advice on how to deal with this? All I want is a friend really but there are so many mums at this school that seem to bitch and gossip about each other or just use you for a while and then drop you.

I always dole out the same advice on this topic: I avoid friendship groups due to these kind of problems and gravitate towards people who are alone. I have made some really good friends like this over the years and often they are very interesting people - not billy-no-mates because there's something bad about them, just not the type to join a group (like me).

Thanks ZaZathecat. I am beginning to think that it's just my prob. I'm not perfect but I am such a loyal person and I think maybe that's part of the prob - I am too giving? Some people just walk all over that. Groups can be difficult can't they and when two friends that I introduced become closer, you just feel like the third wheel. I used to have two really good girl friends and my brother dated them, dumped them and it was bye bye friendships. The playground is a whole different matter.....I thought it was great...all these new friends...four years down the line and I am not so sure.....

I agree, steer clear of groups, gangs, cliques and the sort of personalities that gravitate towards them. Having a gang like mentality means many of them cannot think for themselves and are not secure being individuals with integrity. This makes it easier for the 'queen bee' to mark someone out and be a bully.

Don't buy into it all. I know someone like your 'friend' who has a lot of influence as she is intimidating and mouthy, no one wants to fall foul of her. I have, and couldn't care less about what she thinks of me or her poisonous tongue . I've gone. Noone treats me the way she has.

As ZaZa says, always best to talk to the ones who are on the perimeter, the quieter more thoughtful people who are themselves, not someones sap.

I never thought of it that way but I think you're both right. I have no respect for 'sheep'. Perhaps I will have a bit more in common with the ones stood on the perimeter.

Give it a go, I'm sure you won't regret it!

I will and thanks to you both 🙂