Apparently...

[Notgoodatall]

" you're living under my roof and therefore I deserve your respect." DP just told me this because I got really angry with him when he told our 2 Yr old to "use his brain" when he let his balloon go. Why would you firstly try and belittle a 2 yr old like that? i told him he should be embarrassed with himself and his behaviour was disgusting. Apparently if I continue to disrespect him I'll be the one crying in a corner and he's had enough of me. Interesting... We just had a baby two weeks ago and I'm wondering what the hell am I doing. I feel trapped. Minimal income, 3 kids and no family close by or I can go and stay with. I feel absolutely screwed. Help

No room for a different viewpoint I see.

Has the OP come back to clarify anything yet?

And Doreen, I think your comment is disgraceful. I am a poster just like you, I mean no harm to anyone, just putting an opposite view. But that is not allowed without withering comments. Not a nice way to operate really. I would never get personal like that. But off you go.

Stepford wives indeed here. All nodding and agreeing to the same tune, no nuances or differing views allowed. OK so.

Lweji,

We don't know enough to be definitive about any advice really. That is my point.

The default option is taken and that is that. I would like to think that some external help might make things better as a start.

But if that doesn't help then by all means LTB. Surely seeking outside independent help is worth a try.

Op, all am going to say is if you decide to stay. Please stand your ground and don't let him back you in a corner.

What he said was wrong and you should tell him you are not going to put up with threats like that.

Very useful to ask why she's had three children by him. As we all know if she can't answer the question well enough the last one will just pop back into her fanjo and disappear.

Dubby you are derailing the thread.

" you're living under my roof and therefore I deserve your respect."

I don't need to know anymore about the OP's life to know that unless the next words out of my partner's mouth were

"oh my god I can't believe I actually said that, I didn't mean it, I am such a shit for saying that out loud, please don't get too upset I didn't mean it and I will figure out why I am so stressed"

That sentence alone would be enough to tell me that I need to get my ducks in a row (great posts upthread) and get out of there.

And even then, I would always wonder ...

Dubby, do you really need to know a back story to know that this is a hateful, disrespectful, contemptuous thing to say to a partner and mother of your children? Once again, I think "normal healthy relationships 101" should be a part of the secondary school curriculum - not just for people like the OP but for people like Dubby too. You can be in a relationship, be stressed, have arguments and NOT ever say anything like this. This comes from a deeper place than "we have small children and are stressed and argue"

Oh that was my mums favourite "Use your brain"

Brain said with a horrible accent on the R because of her crap Scots accent It drove me mental.

What a bastard

Yes I find "use your brain" very belittling.

This morning has been much of the same. So much for last nights apology. I wish I had money, I'd get my kids and just move out. I'm totally dependant on him and he knows this. I'm looking into starting my own business today, I need to start building. Fed up of this miserable person, all he does is complain about everything.

OP, you are doing the right thing in making plans to leave. He will never get better. Starting to plan your financial independence is a great idea.

However, I've been reading about MLMs this morning (Forever Living, Juice Plus etc) and how they target people desperate to make money quick. I know you didn't say that was what your business would be, but it's just at the forefront of my mind. Please don't get sucked in by any of that crap.

With such young children you will get plenty of financial help to go it alone. You can also build up your business so that when they are at school you are able to earn money to support yourself and not rely entirely on state help. Do check out the turn2us entitled to calculator for a rough guide to what you could realistically receive. It's not exact but might make you see that it's not hopeless.

Look to the future OP. Yesterday's apology had all the hallmarks of an abuser knowing he's gone a bit too far. If he's at it again today that tells you everything you need to know. You will have a miserable life with him and no financial security. You need lots of advice about planning your exit and your future. Good luck