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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do people ever decide they made a mistake by letting you go?

40 replies

dylansinging · 04/03/2016 22:15

Or does that never happen in real life?

OP posts:
Iggypoppie · 05/03/2016 06:53

Op what do you think of this? www.gettheguy.co.uk/breaking-up/get-ex-boyfriend-back/

dylansinging · 05/03/2016 12:19

the first bit maybe?

OP posts:
VioletVaccine · 05/03/2016 14:41

Yes, it happened to me.
My ex, we had a brilliant relationship, but I had a young baby to my XH and he didn't feel ready to commit seriously to a woman who already had a child. I respected his honesty at least, and we remained on good terms.
Time passed, I met now DH and have been happy since.
I received a message 5 years ago, saying I'm the only person he could have ever seen himself married to. And on another more recent occasion, said it's his biggest regret, not having the balls or maturity to know then what he knows now, that he'll never be as happy in the future with anyone as he was with me.
It lowered my opinion of him tbh, because at that time he had a DP and DC himself. It ruined the friendship really- you can only stay friends with an ex, if neither of you have unresolved issues from the rship.

So yes, it does happen!

PunxutawneyPhil · 05/03/2016 14:55

Yes, my boyfriend at uni went overseas when we graduated. We were still 'together' but he started talking about extending how long he was going to be out there (1 year, then 2, then 3) so we broke up. 3 months later, I was pretty much over him and he decided he'd made a bit mistake and flew home even though I told him not to. We got back together (still not sure I had a great deal of choice in that...) but after he flew back to see the year out I realised I didn't miss him in the slightest so broke it off again (I had also sort of got together with my now-DH). He said he'd come to find me in 8 years to see if I was happy and if not we could be together again. I couldn't believe the arrogance and arbitrariness of giving me 8 years to see the error of my ways. He didn't get in touch in the end...

lottielou7 · 05/03/2016 14:59

I think it can happen if one person has a lot of maturing to do

dylansinging · 05/03/2016 15:09

Seems it happens quite a lot but they are too late?

Lottie, in my case definitely one of us has maturing to do. I feel absolutely sure if we'd met at a different time we'd be going the whole 9 yards.

OP posts:
PitilessYank · 05/03/2016 15:12

This happened to my husband! About four months after we met, and started getting serious, several old GFs of his came out of the woodwork. It was fascinating.

I always tell him how lucky I feel that I recognized his value right away. We have been married 20 years and hav four kids.

PitilessYank · 05/03/2016 15:13

hav=have

dylansinging · 05/03/2016 16:35

Pitiless...what happenned?

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 05/03/2016 16:52

I think sometimes people can think of old flames when they get dumped by their new flame. But it is purely selfish reasons.

SquadGoals · 05/03/2016 17:01

I think you're right So.

DH split with his ex about 9 months before we met and the only times she has ever been back in contact with him is when we first got together, when we moved in together and whenever she split up with a boyfriend.

She has no idea that we are legally in a common-law marriage but I can imagine when we get engaged/married properly, she'll be in contact again then.

PitilessYank · 05/03/2016 19:41

Dylan- they started calling, reaching out to him, one even invited him to a night at a hotel! They all expressed regret at "what they had missed out on." That sort of thing.

Airyfairy99 · 22/10/2023 00:21

So not relevant when u so young ? Try having 4dcs and 22 years marriage from age 16

GilberMarkham · 22/10/2023 01:28

A guy who dumped me got in touch about a year later, when his two best mates had gotten into relationships and he felt he was ready to get into a relationship too.
(Also after long enough single following his first ltr. I had come along after it and he'd told me he wasn't in a rush to get into another relationship, something I didn't realise he was so fixed in).

He said "you'll always be the one that got away" ...which I found extremely irritating as I didn't get away - he threw me away.

When he contacted me, I'd gotten back with an ex and was not available. If I had been available, I might have - but it would've been against all pride and better judgement.

A. He was a clone/sheep with his mates
B. I had also realised he and I were a poor match - religious, traditional, parochial guy with agnostic, non traditional, widely travelled woman ... No.
C He was also very high strung and self absorbed. I mean we're all a bit self absorbed but this was next level.
D I don't think anyone truly respects you if you get back with them after they've dumped you.

(He's married now with kids ... We are FB friends who never bothered deleting each other; his wife has stalked my FB (randomly popping up in ppl you may know) and is the sort who posts gushing "My Wonderful Man!" posts. Which I always thought smack of territory marking and desperation. No need, as he's the least likely person to ever cheat that I can think of, one of his few good points).

I think, in most cases, by the time they get back to you; you've moved on and wouldn't go back with them or at the very least have big reservations. You've fallen out of love, the feelings have lessened a lot and you just think Mmm. You can see the downsides to them and the relationship.

Also, if you're wide, you suspect they'll do it again.
I remembered what it was like and just thought "as if I'm going to put myself at your mercy again".

GilberMarkham · 22/10/2023 01:36

The second person who came back was my now h.

He didn't so much dump me as we both dumped each other.

Years later, we are still legally married and cohabiting but essentially separated.

That further demonstrates the lack of wisdom in getting back with an ex.

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