anger issues

[lemonstartree]

what do you think......

my dh has some anger isues. he has never hit me (or anyone else) but back in June he scared me so much i called the police. This was the first time in 6 years of marriage that I had realised he could behave like that.

anyway, this thing in the summer frightened us both and since then we have been going to marriage guidence and he has also had some psycotherapy' on his own

things have been much better on the whole.

till christmas. the last coupld of weeks have been awful , he has been on a very very short fuse, aggressive and unplesant. yesterday he lost it because i was 10 minutes late back after droppping our eldest son off at a friends.

i felt like yesterday was the last straw - i dont need to be yelled at for trivial things, i dont want to be sworn at in front of my children, i think its wrong to bring children up in an atmosphere of fear and i wont do it. once he had finished ranting off and then sulked for 2 hours he came down to apologise. I said I had had enough and that i wanted him to leave.

Cue big apologies, promises of eternal good behaviour etc etc.plesea please can he have another chance. he loves me etc

i dont know. I guess he has tried hard ( and he has been without his therapist for the last 3 weeeks due to Xmas break) but do you reallly think men with bad tempers can change ?

Not sure. If he can't behave while away from his therapist for a few weeks, that's not a good sign.

i have had exactly the same experience. my dp has been away from his therapy for three weeks.....and gets worse by the day.

just quoting what i believe to be womans aids website (have a look)-i think the consensus is that they have to want to change and sometimes 'angry' men dont. therapy doesnt always work.

they always do the big apology thing-and i for one always believe him.

i hope you will be ok

thanks steffy - i hope you are ok too. Its hard living with someone who is unpredicatable and so completely over the top in his reaction to trivial things.

i do believe he wants to change - and he has shown so buy his agreement to go to therapy both alone and to marriage therapy with me.

i am still torn. the whole of Chritsmas and New year has been overshadowed by his tempers and sulking. I am working full time whilst he is a SAHD, and I am juggling a very busy job, christmas ( all the cooking/arrangements/ sorting out etc) whilst he is sulking upstairs. Just feel exhausted physically and emotionally....

I have got a dd with anger issues and like you I am sick of being on the end of it BUT I do (mostly) try to understand and not react too much. Sometimes however (I am only human) I do react and the fall out is horrendous.

Six months is not long to be in therapy. It will not be a magic wand to domestic bliss. The fact that it is Xmas (which puts lots of strainson eventhe happiest most together people) and the fact that he has not been seeing his therapist is not an excuse but it is a reason.

I would not see the fact that he can't (yet) control his temper without seeing his therapist as a bad sign. It means the therapist is doing some good and hopefully with more therapy things will get better even when dh isn't seeign therapist.

The bottom line is how much are you willing to take?

Lots of sympathy, winnie {{{}}}

Winnie - what is your dd angry about ?

i know that everybody has a tipping point. I feel I may just have reached mine - or it may just be post christmas blues - I really dont care about the money or the losing our house or anything really I just feel I can't love someone who can be so nasty.

lemonstartree, dd's anger stems from losing very close loved ones and feeling rejected by her father

TBH if dd was not my d and was my partner I am not sure I would deal with the situation in a similar way at all. I have been known to say (to a very close friend) "I would not put up with this behaviour from anybody else". Dd is still a teenager and she is my child, and therefore my love for her is unconditional. Loving ones child is so different from loving ones partner. I have a small child too and to be honest very often it is to protect him (rather than me) I have to put my foot down. It must be extremely difficult trying to balance everyones needs. Who is thinking about you?
Do you have RL support?

Was the incident in the summer on the back of other smaller incidents or was it literally a one off. How much better is "much better on the whole"? How is he with the children?

Thinking of you {{{}}}