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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Internet settings anyone?

39 replies

Justjust811 · 03/03/2016 22:25

We have a child lock setting on our internet I've just saw 4 emails in dh email inbox saying the settings and passwords have been changed, all on different days. I was unaware we had passwords on it? Never been told about this? Dh email on my iPad so was up when I went on it. It was in the 'archived' so he must of tried to delete? I'm confused as to what this is ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Justjust811 · 04/03/2016 19:26

Our relationship is terrible, we are both miserable both in ourselves and each other but try because we love each other and the DCs i want more sex, he's not too fussed Hmm he really must be up to something this can't be innocent really can it? Unblocking adult dating and nudity can't be innocent? Or a mistake on the networks behalf?

OP posts:
peggyundercrackers · 04/03/2016 20:39

No suppliers don't change settings on your parental control software. They do not make mistakes.

Original poster
Justjust811 · 04/03/2016 21:18

I feel really hurt by this I thought we were past all this I keep racking my brains hoping it's a mistake but I'm so down I can't let myself get trodden on anymore. I just don't know what to do I feel so alone and I'm struggling to keep my brave face on day to day now

OP posts:
Justaboy · 04/03/2016 23:36

Justjust811 Sorry the settings and parental control software are all Red Herrings as you admit there is a problem in your marriage.

Question is what do you do about it?, try to mend it or eventually go your separate ways. Ever thought about using the services of Relate they can't sort out every ones problems but if there is a will to do something about it from the both of you then it might be the best option?.

Perhaps its time for the brave face to come off and see the problem you know is there and face it head on, rather than fudge around it?.

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.

Allnamesaretakenffs · 05/03/2016 07:18

You'll have to talk to him, otherwise you're just here guessing :( xx

Proseccofiend32 · 05/03/2016 10:44

Hi OP, I also think you need to talk to him about it, it's obvious to me he's at least been watching porn, some people are fine with this but as he is fully aware that you are not in my opinion he's completely disregarding your feelings and trust. I couldn't let that go, it would just eat away at me and I would become a paranoid nervous wreck! You need to make a decision in your mind about what you will do for all possible reactions from him, good luck 💐

Original poster
Justjust811 · 05/03/2016 12:25

I've spoken to him about it he says he's no idea and said it was unfair me accusing him? He's not going to say oh yeah I unblocked it though is he?

OP posts:
Justaboy · 05/03/2016 14:18

No I expect not. However its killing the trust that you should have between you.

Original poster
Justjust811 · 05/03/2016 14:42

I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here now? I can't prove a thing?

OP posts:
offside · 05/03/2016 18:27

I'm not sure why you need proof. If you're so confident of what you know then tell him you know and that he needs to pack his bags and leave. You don't need proof. You're not going to get the answers you're looking for here.

pocketsaviour · 05/03/2016 19:39

Why don't you just tell him "I've seen the emails showing you unblocking and then reblocking adult dating/escorts and porn sites so stop lying you wanker so would you like to reconsider your answer?"

Or just bin him off because TBH it sounds awful. If he wanted a wank then he's unblock porn. The only reason to unblock adult dating/escorts is if he was looking to hook up with someone, either a professional or an enthusiastic amateur Hmm

supermum342 · 05/03/2016 19:47

you really need to talk to him, have a deep conversation about what actually happened try to get him to not act stupid as well because you really need to get to the bottom of this

Original poster
Justjust811 · 05/03/2016 20:23

I have sat down and spoke to him, he claims he has no idea. I've even shown him, still no idea. All I'm looking for is to speak to someone I don't understand why I'm getting negative comments 'you won't find what you want here' I'm just like all the others looking for advice how is this so different? I can't be sure I know he was doing anything really? If I haven't saw anything I can't be sure, but he has looked at escorts before.

OP posts:
peggyundercrackers · 05/03/2016 23:38

You can be sure, he has done it - you have seen the proof where he has unblocked the software for an hour. Seriously ISPs don't mess with this stuff - I've worked in IT for 15yrs and there is no way it's being changed by anyone other than him.

The only way to stop it is to take the password from him and block these sites yourself and not give him the password to the software.

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