When you're dating someone who's on a dating site

[JebelRebel]

I am not saying the relationship is serious, but presuming you've had 8 dates, you're having sex, you're quite close in terms of chatting a lot and you have agreed you're both not seeing anyone else.

How would you feel if this person was still on dating sites and still active on them?

Does that just basically mean - cutting the bull shit - that they see you as good enough for now but are looking for someone better?

Unfortunately that "sweet shop mentality" is pretty common with OLD.

As you said "He thinks my views are silly and he says he would only take his down and stop messaging others once in a long term, committed relationship." You do not need to look further than that, he did not actually agree to be monogamous because he feels he is not in that kind of relationship with you.

Question is, what do YOU want to do? Bin him for falling short of your standards or challenge him to up his game? Both are perfectly valid options.

If you go for the latter, break it off with him and tell him that you are doing it because you want a committed monogamous relationship. Yes you like him but you are not hanging around someone who is not on the same page as you are. Maybe that will make him realize he actually does want a relationship with you or you will be well rid of someone who would never have brought you what you want and deserve.

That's the problem though isn't it. If someone says you are monogamous then also says they don't want to take themselves off dating sites then they are lying when they say monogamous. What they mean is "I will let you know if I find someone else". Not sure in what parallel universe he thinks this is okay but he isn't going to keep on seeing me.

I did bin him. Said I didn't want to be with someone messaging other people and that was that. Obviously this other one has caught his eye as he didn't even protest.

What a complete idiot. Doubt she will like it either!!

he did not actually agree to be monogamous because he feels he is not in that kind of relationship with you.

Have to disagree with you, Jolly. It's right there in the OP: ... and you have agreed you're both not seeing anyone else. - This = monogamous and exclusive to, errm, pretty much everybody. And in a subsequent post, Jebel says it was him that led/insisted on this. This wasn't some misunderstanding, lack of communication or the OP being naive: he deliberately engineered a situation of double standards.

Hey, Jebel. What are you going to do to celebrate?

You are right Preemptive what I meant and should have put in there was "in his mind". Also I am not saying either that the OP was naive or else - quite the contrary, he was disingenuous.

Glad to hear you got out of that situation OP. Next!

He's a lying wanker, OP, and as you hopefully know you are far too good for him.

You will meet a man who is compatible and be happy.

Exclusive? your having a Giraffe eh?.

He wants you to be "exclusive" till someone better in his eyes comes along, that seems to be a fundamental characteristic of online dating:-(

Good on you for binning the arsehole! are for you and also this
Any girl he dates will all get the same outcome I reckon. Unless they're self esteem is very shitty and they get suckered in.
Definitely had a sweet escape there! Here's to you finding the man of your dreams and not dating wankers

Naaah, yer grand, Jolly. We're good.

I know someone thinking someone better is coming along is bound to make you feel shit about yourself but for some reason, him asking me out for the better part of six months makes it worse. Like he really knows me and still thinking something better is on the way.

Yuk.

Self esteem battered.

The girl he seems to have added is a lot younger than me / him and looks like a complete Essex girl unlike me in every possible way who's more of a career woman.

What the fuck is wrong with people. I never asked him to pursue me!!!

Wanker.

I can see how you're feeling like that, but he doesn't know you! You could have been a walking talking sex doll and he would have pulled the same stunt. The only difference might have been some of the methods or words he'd used. To a guy like that, we're all alike. He's thinking that about the next girl (in such as what he's doing can be called "thinking").

Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but he was lying the whole time. Yes, your eyes might be the sparkliest he's ever seen (or whatever other compliments he used), but he wasn't saying it because it's true: he was saying it as a means to an end.

So try really hard not to feel like it was him that's rejected you. You've rejected him, by setting a clear boundary that even a git like him was able to see was impossible to get round. Your good standards finished the "relationship".

Again, well done. And more pom POM's

Even aside from the dating site stuff, do you want to be with someone who is jealous when your phone beeps and annoyed when you spend time with your friends?