Exdh won't support dc's degree at American University :(

[exwifeofatwat]

Venting. My twatish exdh earns a solid 150k a year, he has no gf/dp & no mortgage. He has always told our dc since scratch, that when the time comes, he will fully fund the cost of their university. Now it's about time for the ball to be set in motion and our oldest dc has decided they really want to go to America to do their degree (not saying what/where as it's very outing). Exdh now outright refuses to fund anything at all as he insists the only option is that they live with him & attend a Uni near him. Dc is gutted. I'm gutted. I'm not in a position to fund anything at all as I'm on the bones of my arse as it is. I'm pissed off.

[fastdaytears]

£150,000 is nowhere near enough to find an American college place, especially when he has other DC to think of.

If your son is old enough to be looking at university then he should be old enough to understand that he's chosen something that's beyond his parents' means.

[fastdaytears]

But no, living with him is not going to be the answer.

Do loans not cover accommodation now?

[HeddaGarbled]

Student finance in the UK does not require both parents, if separated, to support the application, only the parent with whom they live.

[SoThatHappened]

Do you know how much US degrees cost?

One of my friends from the US graduated with $65000 worth of debt and that was in 2000 so I shudder to think what they are now. And US degrees are longer.

I dont blame tbh when UK degrees are cheaper and are probably better anyway.

[AKissACuddleAndACheekyFinger]

I get from your user name that there's no love lost between you and your ex husband but I am afraid I'm with the crowd on this one. He probably made the pledge about paying for uni on the assumption it would be in the UK and to be fair, that is a fair assumption really, isn't it? Too much money I'm afraid.

[bessiebumptious2]

Hmm... and he can't be THAT much of a twat if he's offered to fund your DS through university. That's actually very good and significantly less than most get. But they find a way because they are determined.

[choli]

Frankly, it sounds like both you and your DS need a serious reality check.

[Buttercup443]

Is there any way you could get him back in court? Congrats on your ex getting a place in a US uni. Jeezus what a twat your ex is.
Your doc ought to go for it full tilt. US units are very good at funding. Is there any way you could apply for a loan?

[notapizzaeater]

Can he not get his degree here and then move out to the states ?

[MeMySonAndl]

I think you are being unreasonable. In the UK your child has access to student loans, s/he won't have access to that as an international student. Obviously, your child can work extremely hard to get a scholarship or do as more people do, live within their means and take the best option they can afford. You cannot expect your ex to invest such a huge amount of money in your first child when it may be impossible to offer the same opportunity to the younger one(s)

[bessiebumptious2]

Back in court? Seriously? To satisfy the whim of who is, essentially (in the eyes of the UK law) an ADULT?

Entitled, much?

I worry for the future when I read such claptrap.

[PitilessYank]

Another option: could your child do a year or two in the UK and then transfer into a US university to complete the degree? The degree would then officially be from the US school, and transferring schools here is very common and well-accepted. I did it, and had no problem gaining entry into work and then into a graduate program.

[fastdaytears]

Is there any way you could get him back in court

To say what exactly?

[bessiebumptious2]

And those who are brilliant in their chosen field, did it in the face of adversity, simply because their talent was recognised. They didn't have to be pandered to.

Ugh.

[PitilessYank]

Most US universities will award a degree if at least two years of study have taken place there, with the rest being credit from another university.

[Illiria]

Please take a look at this site which is an unofficial forum for people who are applying for visas for the US. Ask them about the student visa to work visa possibilities or look at a few recent posts by UK citizens wanting to study and then work there.

www.visajourney.com/forums/forum/139-non-family-based-us-visa-discussion/

They could always do a year abroad in the US or do a J visa to do a summer job in the US while they go to university in the UK. Maybe studying at an American university in Europe would be an option?

If they have an offer that includes guaranteed scholarships for the duration of the degree that brings the price down to reasonable then maybe you could convince exh to go halves on it?

Totally understandable that they don't want to live with him if he is abusive.

[VimFuego101]

How much are the fees - has your child applied for any scholarships? The Fulbright commission may help with that. If you are expecting your ex to foot the full cost of international student fees (probably $70k plus a year), you are being unreasonable.

To be honest though, unless your child plans to marry a US citizen or has some other niche skill, I'm not sure their plan to stay in the US after graduating is viable. It's really hard to get a visa.

[Canyouforgiveher]

If you earn under $65,000 and your DC is financially independent from your exH, that's a full scholarship and all living expenses paid at Harvard.

Well yes - that and being in the top percentile of all applicants to Harvard worldwide, bearing in mind that most kids - very smart kids - don't actually apply to Harvard because they know how competitive it is.

And going back to court to fund a place in a foreign university when the father is prepared to pay for a UK one -- words fail me

[Illiria]

The problem with transferring to a US uni is if they have GE unit requirements as most uk degrees are only classes to do with the major they have to do not only the last two years of their major but they will have to do their GE as well. Not all unis do GE though so knowing which US uni would allow more specific advice.

[PitilessYank]

General Ed requirements in US universities are pretty flexible and I would bet that many of the U.K. classes, if the student's major remained the same, could be substituted for the major requirements in the US.

In university catalogs here, degree requirements often cite xyz "or its equivalent", and there is some flexibility.

[Illiria]

I work in a US university - I know how it works. we have had uk transfer students, and whilst major classes are easy to sub GE is less so as we don't do equivalents not related to our field in the UK. you can't sub a math class for an American history or American politics class for example. All the uk transfers we have had have had to do three semesters or more here so that they can get the GE done as well as then taking the remaining major classes they need.

[PitilessYank]

Yes, but if, as you say, the main part of their study in the UK has involved classes in their "major", those would transfer, right?

So what is the problem, as you see it?

[ClarenceTheLion]

Canyouforgiveher It's pretty clear that the UK place comes with heavy strings attached if they have to live with an abusive father for the duration!!

OP - stuff him. Presumably your dd/ds is an adult now, so just drop all communication with him. He wanted control. Take it all away. Your dd/ds can apply for a student loan like thousands of others, and you can help out as and when you can. Perhaps once your ex realizes you and your dc won't be jumping through his hoops he'll start to help out. If not, you can both cope. Don't let your dc miss out.

[VimFuego101]

I transferred credit from a UK university to a US college and it could only be used for one of my electives, not to satisfy any gen Ed requirements. Although I did also sit some DSST and CLEP tests for some of my gen Ed requirements which was much cheaper than doing the class, the OP should look into that. Also some colleges will accept A levels and give credit for them.

[Illiria]

The problem I see pitilessYank is that half of a US degree at least in my state is GE which would not be waived or subbed by major classes. Is pointless any way as OP has made it clear that child wants to do all of degree in the US.