Alcohol and Depression

[suchafuss]

I have not spoken to Father for over 8 months and therapist suggested that he is an alcoholic which looking back seems oh so obvious but until recently I had no idea.

Anyway husband recently diagnosed with depression and taking anti depressants, but also drinking has increased to 3 bottles of wine last night. I tried to talk to him about it this morning but he was very aggressive and says that I am 'projecting' because of my father. I feel like i have lost him, he was always my rock. Is it possible that i am projecting?,and even if im not three bottles is excessive, so just by drinking that amount on a regular basis (not every night though) suggestsxa problem with alcohol doesnt it?

3 bottles of wine in one go? Serious issue. Alcoholics don't have to drink every night.
He's being aggressive because he doesn't want to admit he has a problem.

Not every night, but it is Thursday-Saturday and one bottle on a Sunday.Still not good is it?

Sorry just seen that you said doesnt need to be every night!

Sounds like you went onto marry someone like your dad and I note without much surprise he is also an alcoholic.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

Talking to your DH about his drink problem will be a wasted effort because he does not think he has a problem. I would also look at your part in all this because you are playing out roles here; you being with him is perhaps simply enabling him now. Your own recovery from this will only begin when you are out of this relationship altogether.

You can only help your own self ultimately; you cannot help your DH nor your Dad. I would suggest you talk to Al-anon as they are very helpful to family members of problem drinkers.

Alcohol is also a depressant; he is likely to be self medicating with alcohol.

Drinking alcohol while taking antidepressants is generally not advised because alcohol can make depression worse and it can increase the side effects of some antidepressants, such as drowsiness, dizziness and problems with co-ordination.

His depression won't get better if he drinks. The medication will not be able to work for one and alcohol is a massive depressant.

3 bottles of wine in one night is a MASSIVELY excessive amount of alcohol, even if it is occasional. One bottle a night is enough to indicate a serious drink problem. Anything more than two small glasses a night is dependency because it carries you over the limit for health.
You are not projecting. he has a problem. As a PP said, it's likely you married an alcoholic without realising because this is what you were used to/skilled at handling and facilitating without complaint.
His depression really won't get better if he drinks. Drink could be causing it, though. If he won't discuss it, I think you need to think hard about what you want.

I am so sad, i chose him because he made me feel safe, secure and loved. I waited so long to settle down and have a child because i didnt want to have a dysfunctional family like mine was. My daughter is 9 and i have a medical issue so it was vital to me that my husband was realiable and healthy, that he would take care of her if anything happend to me. He blamed my studies on saying he is an alcoholic, Im studying Social Work and its made me see that what I had accepted as normal isn't the case. And you are right about looking at myself. I grew up in pubs so alcohol had been normalised, my father wasn't a nasty drunk just emotionally unavialable. My husband up until recently has been fantastic but i know I cant change him. I will go to Al-anon next week but feel so devastated

How long has he been taking antidepressants? I'm only asking as I am on them and they make me crave alcohol, particularly wine. This is catastrophic as mixed in with the tablets I get blackouts when drinking and my behaviour is very self destructive. I have started counselling and have been told that I am 'numbing' things that have happened to me with wine. I feel very sorry for you and your husband, it's a miserable place to be in but he is probably self medicating with the only thing he feels he can at the moment. The irony is that alcohol robs you of certain proteins which cause depression. Would he seek professional help? X

Daenerys that is interesting about antidepressants making you crave alcohol. DH has recently come off ADs and he is drinking a lot less without any apparent effort...

3 bottles a night is a massive amount, even my DH at his worst never had this much and he definitely still has a problem.

So Thursday, Friday and Saturday 3 bottles a night? Sunday another bottle?
So 10 bottles.
Checked a bottle of white wine 9.4 units a bottle. So 94 units a week.
New weekly guidelines for men and women 14 a week.
Crap that's bad!
I know they are guidelines and not everyone will stick rigidly to them every week BUT that's scary.
I'm afraid if he isn't willing to see a problem and seek a solution you may have to decide if you and your family can live like this.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and yes, three bottles a night is definitely excessive - as much as I drank in a day at the height of my alcoholism. However, it is possible to be a heavy drinker due to a specific reason/life event which doesn't necessarily mean that you habitually "drink alcoholically". Totally agree with the three Cs that a PP posted above. The trouble with drinking because of depression is that it becomes such a vicious circle - you drink more to try to lift yourself out of the black hole, but the only result is to depress you further.

If your DH says that you're projecting and won't discuss, there is (I'm sorry to say) little that you can do. Does he drive during the day? That much alcohol would still be in his system for some time.