What would you do when your MIL offers to babysit her other grandchildren on NYE but not your kid(s)?

[GodRestYeMerryNORTHERNERs]

Me again with a MIL moan.

About 3 weeks ago she offerred to look after dh's brothers kids on NYE, so they could go out and have a good time. The kids were sleeping over and having tea at hers so they could go out and not worry about coming back late.

Their kids are 7 and 4. My ds is also 4, and we all live within 5 minutes drive of each other. Now did she call us to say ds could also go over there? Did she hell.

Instead she called us at 7pm last night to wish us happy new year, and asked us what we were doing. I said we are visitimg frriends who have kids as it is a bit difficult when you don't have a babysitter. She was pissed off I had made my point but I had to say something.

I can't go on being nice to her when she so ovbiously favours the others. She can f**k off.

Apart from that I had a lovely new year, happy new year to you all.

That really does seem mean - I mean what difference would one more child same age make? And, from the little I've seen of your ds, he didnd't seem like a little monster by anyone's standards. . .
Miserable old cow IMO.
Happy New Year BTW

Has the row from last year been resolved ??

Did she have a big operation or was that someone else. ??

I do know that my Mother loves all her GC equally but it is a case of first up best dressed. She and my Dad would just not be able for all of them, perhaps this was the case ??

Row from last year brushed under the carpet, me and her never discussed it.

Her partner was due to have a brain op, but it was cancelled

She has had their kids on NYE for the past 3 years and never once had ds.

She 'loves' their kids more because they have a porsche and mercedes sitting in the drive way. Simple as that. She also pickes them up from school one day a week and gives them tea, but not my ds.

I can not continue being nice to her when she does not give a shit. I have my own Mother, I don't need her. Am starting 2007 as I mean to go on.

TBH, in your shoes I wouldn't give a damn that MIL was "pissed off I had made my point".

She asked you a question - and you gave her a perfectly truthful - and obvious, surely ? - reply. Why should it be somehow incumbent on you to make up some "non-offensive" (and untruthful) response so she doesn't have to face up to her own mean spiritedness ?

Ah that was it, he should have had the OP, knew there was an OP in there somewhere

Thanks guys. Hope you all had a good NY.

xx

I had a thread the other day about my MIL forgetting my ds birthday. But was told that I was selfish & ungrateful to expect her to remember.

Anyway, glad you had the balls to say something to her about not having a baby sitter. Maybe she will think next time? Or do you care anyway?

Mine was pissed as a fart last night & told me that she didn't know wether she loved DH or his sis more.... I said I have 2 as well & love them both the same, why did she need to have a favourite...she said "Oh, every mother does dear"

So there ya go I am so glad I am not "every mother" and have my suspicions most of us on here aren't.

what does your DP make of this?

I can't believe he's happy with his mother so clearly favouring other grandkids?

Apologies if i've missed something - not up to date with the details.

you are so right not to make her life easy by pretending that this is OK and you hadn't noticed.

Dh and her have no relationshp practically. He doesn't give a toss. But will carry on chatting to her/inviting her over as if all is well. I can't pretend any more.

it does sound like she favours their family. it's not reasonable of her but you are reinforcing it by confronting her about these things - in your position I'd have asked nicely before new year's eve about the babysitting rather than wait (apart from anything else, because if there was a good reason why she couldn't have 3, she could have said).never wait for people to offer, that's my motto.

I must stress she does love my ds, never doubt that. But BIL and SIL are very wealthy and own the flat she lives in as she was in the shit financially and they bailed her out. She is very money driven and likes the lifestyle they have so firmly attaches herself to that.

She loved swanning round estate agents for them when they were houshunting with an £800k budget. We were buying at the same time, she didn't help us look or come on any viewings with us but went on plenty with them. Funny that.

She has been known to call our house a shantyback

SenoraP, you seev I asked her for help in Sept and Oct as ds was at school part time and I needed help with pick ups. She begrudeingly did it but moaned to sil and I heard about it, told her not to bother and said I would not ask her for help again, if she wants to see ds she can let me know when is good for her.

I haven't asked her since and she hasn't offerred since.

well, that'll be why she didn't offer to babysit on new year's eve.

tbh it sounds like your sil is the problem, not your mil (because really: if the situation had been reversed would you have told her that mil had been moaning?)

I know it's shit when people begrudge things, but it strikes me that you may be able to save your family's relationship with her by giving in and going round with a peace offering. that's not to say the whole situation is your fault, but you can say sorry that "things have got so bad between you" or something so you won't have to lie.

otoh I don't think anyone would blame you if you just gave up.

if she lives in their flat does she maybe feel she owes them? and the only way she can show her thanks is through baby-sitting? not fair, I agree, but maybe that's her thinking? (firefly - I had thought it wasn't quite as straightforward as totally forgetting - I thought they had got a present before-hand?)

btw is she your sil or bil's mum? I think some grannies feel closer to gcs on tehir daughter's side - again, not excusing, just wondering about the reasons

Yeah they had got him a gift beforehand. But if they had kept quiet about forgetting the actual day it would have been ok, but to tell us they forgot just hurt us. Anyway, that's forgot about now... new year & all that

ahh. missed that about telling you!

I think that my inlaws favour (slightly) the other gc actually. They are always visiting them and babysitting for them. I don't really mind. I just think its not suprising that my dd isn't as comfy with them as she is with my parents as she doesn't see them that much.

They went to see the other gc last weekend whilst my bil was at football with my dh. They never just suggest to come and see us. We always have to invite them and then the WHOLE family comes. Bil,sil, 3 kids, and other bil and sil and 2 kids and Nan. It always turns into a circus.

It sounds unfair about not having your 4 yr old on nye. Surely she could have had them too. It maybe would have helped to heal the rift?