Online dating omg!!!!!!! Advice please

[Blueskytoday]

Have been on match for about a month.
Have been married for 17 years so this is all new to me.
I'm in my forties and looking for nice, normal bloke similar age.

Im 9 stone, friends tell me I'm attractive, self esteem very low due to husband being emotionally abusive and neglectful. Not had any sex or intimacy/ affection for years.
I want to move on and have a laugh and meet someone capable of showing affection and warmth.

Keep getting lots of messages from either very young lads , usually along the lines of your hot, lol. I'm really not.
Or much older gentlemen who send polite message but are just too old and not my cup of tea at all.
I've seen a few blokes who look nice and have sent messages, vast majority don't reply.

Have had one date, he was very keen but no chemistry for me.
Have been messaging one bloke who looks lovely and seems nice. I sent him my mobile number and he's not sent his so now wondering is he not separated? Or does he think I'm crazy stalker type person ?

Any words of advice much appreciated x

I think there is a paucity of men in your age bracket who are looking for what you are to be honest.

As you say the young ones just want a shag and the older ones are ready to settle. However, in your age bracket there will be mostly men who have either just left their first marriage and don't want a relationship or men who have never been married and want someone who doesn't have the 'baggage' of ex husbands, children etc.

You might be thinking 'woah, hold on there I just want some fun' but OLD is quite cut throat and people seem to apply quite harsh logic to stuff? You have to have a tough skin. Only advice I can give is work in numbers, talk to lots of people, don't focus on one person (dating thread on here calls them irons in the fire ha!) and do not believe messages. It's actions that count.

Hi Bluesky,
Happy to share some experience from the other side of the fence.
I'm male & signed up to POF less than 48 hours ago.
I've now hidden my profile, due to the sheer volume of female interest.
This is no stealth boast.
Whilst I'm physically fit, I would not believe I'm above average looks.
I'm mid 40's and looking for women around my age. I've had contacts from + or - 10 years of my age.
I'm now messaging with several 'irons', before looking to setting some dates up. I'm too busy/traditional to have more than 1 girlfriend at once but can see how some men may adopt a 'sweet shop' mentality.
All the best, take your time, check the dating thread out which has some valuable advice.
They often report more men on the free sites!
Best wishes!

Thankyou both for advice, X

Maybe try some different sites... www.mysinglefriend.com worked for me.. Met my now DH on it five years ago and married 2.5 years later.. Don't waste time with endless messaging - try to arrange coffee, drinks with as many as you can in your area... That's what I did.. Good luck!

I understand that POF has more men than women on it, but a lot of men in your age bracket are still looking for the relationship where they have their family, so probably someone who doesn't have kids yet or is willing to have them (if you have kids already?).
Match is a bit of a difficult site IMO because of the very low proportion of people in it who actually have a pay account.

I dabbled in OLD, and was getting nowhere. 'Just for fun' I ran a parallel search of 'man seeking woman' in my age band (early 50s). There were twice as many women as men, (which bears out what Jeeve says above) and a lot of the men had 40 as their upper age limit so wouldn't have looked at me. As I'm not looking for a 70 year old, that was the point at which I stopped with the OLD.

Have you tried OKCupid? I think you might get a better response on there if you're not looking for 'the one'.