Ghosting. Happened to you? Or done it yourself?

[Shameandregret]

I have just been ghosted by someone who I was going on a 3rd date with. Loads of communication for weeks, got on well, he asked for each date. Then boom, nothing.

Third time it's happened to me in my dating forays (only been dating since December after leaving physically abusive marriage 18 months ago).

So, on the grand scale of things ghosting hasn't upset/hurt me because I've dealt with way worse stuff from men BUT it does confuse me. I'm the kind of person who, even if I'm not feeling it has to be honest and tell the person. I can't just cut them off, it seems so...rude.

Is this a normal way to exit nowadays? I was with my ex for 10 years before this and as I'm in my mid thirties never done the dating thing before, this ghosting business is proper weird?!

I was reading all these thinking, fuck, how awful OLD is, then I remembered I had actually been ghosted a million years ago! Although it wasn't called that then.

In the days before everyone had mobile phones, I had been seeing this guy for 6 months or so, then I had to move 2 hours away. He was insistent that we still see each other and asked me to marry him. He didn't have a phone but I did, so he would call me from a payphone and I would call him back. The last time I spoke to him he said "I love you, I'll call you tomorrow". He just never called ever again! I had no means of contacting him, I couldn't even show up at his house as he had just moved house and I didn't know the address of the new place. I worried that something had happened to him, that he had died or something. Then, after a week or so, I remembered that he had once called his friend from my phone. I checked my bill, found the number and called the friend, who confirmed that he wasn't dead and was actually just seeing someone else. Most awkward conversation ever.

Haha, oops, sorry!!

Bit literal at times...

Or if it really has or we just stick a label on something that has been happening for years?

It happened to me in the 80s! And we'd been going out for 2 years
Found out he'd done it to his previous girlfriend as well

It's definitely just a new name for something that's happened for ages. My ghosting happened many years ago.

I think people deciding to just not contact you ever again after a date or two in OLD or casual dating is just one of these things that will happen. Ending a real relationship by ghosting is a bit shit, unless it's not really ghosting and is, in fact, someone escaping abuse (for example). It's not that hard to manage to muster up a text saying that you're ending it. That's also a shit way of doing things, but better than just deciding not to contact someone ever again and leaving them hanging especially if you ended the last phone call with 'I love you. I'll speak to you tomorrow. That's just spineless.

The ghost has returned

I got a message last night saying 'I have been really ill with the flu. Really sorry x'

I do think that it's fair enough if you are a coward and you want to end a casual thing by ghosting but if you do it with a proper relationship then you are complete utter bastard. I am quite a direct person though and even with a casual thing I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want someone to be wondering what they had done.

I think it's perhaps more prevalent than it used to be with OLD but by the sound of it some people had the utter gall to do it years and years ago too.

Hmm, I may be an old cynic but I suspect, that he had a date that wasn't a great as he was hoping it to be, hence radio silence op. I call bs.

My friend spent the night with a fairly new man who popped out in the morning to buy some cigarettes and she never saw him again. That was 18 years ago so am guessing the shop was busy.

I too call bs lion

I sent him a sharp 'get well soon, take care' response and he texted back! Odd.

That shop story is funny

at madasa !

I've been ghosted several times before I met DH, the last time was maybe 11-12 years ago so it's not a new thing! I would always prefer to be told it's just not working, etc, thab be disrespected by just ignoring me till I went away.

However, I did find myself pursued by a local at the pub I worked at, who I didn't fancy remotely. He got my number from someone else, bombarded me with messages asking me out, which I ignored - effectively ghosting him myself! Eventually he cornered me and said 'look, if you don't fancy me, just say it!' So I did. The bloke was gutted! (Not at the loss of such a prime specimen as myself I imagine, more the hurt of being told someone didn't find him attractive) I guess it depends on the person whether they'd prefer to be told or live in blissful ignorance.