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Original poster

Would you think it’s ok to share hotel room with married male friend/acquaintance???

53 replies

solosimone · 27/02/2016 17:22

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, will try to keep it short but have just had a row with a friend and don't know who is right.

We both volunteer for an organisation and went out on an unofficial ‘team bonding’ meal and drinks thing last night. We live in the sticks and the night out was in a city 45 minutes away, friend offered me a lift but then ended up going off with her boyfriend in the early hours and saying she’d give me a lift home in the morning so I was stuck there. One of the guys we were with (from same organisation but different branch) said that he was staying in a hotel and had a family room so offered me the spare bed but I said no and ended up having to spend £80 on a taxi home.

Now i’ve spoken to my friend and she doesn’t get why i’m annoyed with her, said I had the offer of somewhere to stay and was stupid not to accept it. I said I didn’t think most people would have accepted, this guy has always seemed nice and it seemed an innocent invitation but we’d been drinking and I don’t know him well enough to be sure and didn’t want to put myself in that situation. I’m single but he is married so didn’t think he should really be offering anyway.

Friend says i’m being stupid and that it would have been fine. What would you think? Would you be ok with it if it was your husband?

OP posts:
Lookatyourwatchnow · 27/02/2016 18:47

If I found out you following day that my DH had ended up sleeping in a hotel room with a female colleague I would actually leave him.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 27/02/2016 18:47

You = the

DrSeussRevived · 27/02/2016 19:06

Really, look? Even if there were two beds and she was stranded?

Oysterbabe · 27/02/2016 19:19

I'd never share with some random bloke.
I don't even like sharing with female friends and always book my own room.

hollyisalovelyname · 27/02/2016 19:34

OP you did the right thing.

Offred · 27/02/2016 19:38

No, I would never do this and I'd be suspicious of my partner did this too either staying with a random work colleague or offering a spare bed.

Your friend is a total arsehole.

AlmaMartyr · 27/02/2016 19:41

No, I wouldn't. I have some very close married male friends, but I just wouldn't. I'd be pretty unhappy if DH did this too.

tribpot · 27/02/2016 19:46

No. A very good male friend, in a room with two beds, possibly but only if DH okayed it first, no way would I want to tell him after the fact. Someone I hardly knew - not a chance.

I was going to say that it sounded like he probably meant well until your second post where he persisted after you'd said no. Massive red flag.

Your friend completely screwed you over and I hope you'll demote her to an acquaintance over this.

wickedwaterwitch · 27/02/2016 19:49

NFW

Lookatyourwatchnow · 27/02/2016 19:54

Drseussrevived yep.

thegiddylimit · 27/02/2016 20:05

In the situation you describe absolutely definitely not. Good friend I know well and I trust not to be violent I'd sleep in the same room as in a private house or in a tent (not that I've been in that situation since I was younger) but probably not in a hotel since there's likely to be lots of rooms that I can pay for to get privacy.

Diamogs · 27/02/2016 20:07

No way. Wouldn't particularly want to share with a female colleague either tbh.

It's too intimate, I don't want them hearing me snore / fart / talk in my sleep.

CalleighDoodle · 27/02/2016 20:10

Ive male married friends it wouldnt bother me at all to stay in the same room as. But this is a man you do not know. So your friend is very much being unreasonable.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/02/2016 20:19

I've had to share with female colleagues twice (I used to do a lot of group travel and both times we arrived late at night to find the hotel had given one room away) and I hate, hate, hated it. It's a massive boundary crossing. Theres no way in hell I would have shared with a man.

Your friend knows she did wrong, and is trying to put the blame on you.

wtffgs · 27/02/2016 20:24

YANBU - it's not the married/partnered thing. You didn't want to share a bedroom with a man you don't really know (or one you know very well, as far as that goes). End of discussion. TBH your friend sounds like a flakey dick.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 27/02/2016 21:14

Your friend is a fucking bitch frankly. No way would I sleep in a room with a male colleague I didn't know well. Regardless of signals he might imagine, the risk of him being a sexual predator, gossip and all the rest, I couldn't sleep anyway in a room with someone else I don't know well so it would be pointless and miserable.

SpinachJelly · 27/02/2016 22:49

I snore for England - so the thought of sharing a room with a random stranger (or even a close friend)is a complete no no. Very inappropriate anyway.

seaweed123 · 28/02/2016 09:01

I wouldn't have had a problem with my DH offering a spare bed to a stranded colleague. It would be awkward for all involved, but offering was the right thing to do. And it's a bit unfair to assume the poor guy was being dodgy.

But I wouldn't have accepted the offer either, and your friend is a total dick, IMO.

ForalltheSaints · 28/02/2016 12:29

You did the right thing.

TheSnowFairy · 28/02/2016 15:27

I would have been furious with your friend. Selfish and thoughtless behaviour.

zipzap · 28/02/2016 22:24

Definitely think you did the right thing in the circumstances although I can imagine circumstances when I would have shared - definitely wouldn't have shared then.

Would have maybe spoken to the hotel and found out how much they would have charged for a room for just me - in case it was cheaper than getting a taxi.

Would not have been fine with it if it had been my husband in the circumstances.

When you say he seemed disappointed - do you think that because you were single he was hoping that something would happen? Do you think that you were set up by your 'friend'?

Not sure how her boyfriend appeared unless he was also a volunteer or unless she had arranged for him to turn up and was planning on dumping you all along...

Which ever way you slice it - it's not good.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/02/2016 22:26

Nooooooo this is never a good idea ever. Even if all innocent and other half trusts you what if he decides to tell people something happened? How would you prove otherwise? Rumours start that way and are never good even if totally baseless.

fakenamefornow · 28/02/2016 22:38

The friend leaving you and room sharing are two separate issues.

Friend should never have left you stranded, no excuses for that.

Room sharing, I would have. I've shared room with loads of strangers, both male and female and have never had a problem. I've also shared a bed with a male friend (gay) when we lived together, we were too poor to afford even a bed each never mind a room each.

Tabsicle · 28/02/2016 22:44

Well, last time I did this, I was sexually assaulted by the MM. Obviously, that is a massively unusual situation but I absolutely think it isn't reasonable to demand anyone put themselves in a very vulnerable position with someone they don't necessarily know and trust.

Original poster
solosimone · 29/02/2016 00:54

So sorry that happened to you Tabsicle

Re his intentions, I just don’t know. In the past i’ve got the impression that he maybe liked me/ had a bit of a crush but is hard to explain why as he has never said or done anything flirty or inappropriate, was more of a gut feeling and then a couple of comments from his friends that hinted as much.

Even if that is the case though he’s never given me reason to think he’d act on it so I think he was probably just being nice and would not have expected anything to happen or tried it on but would have felt awkward anyway and didn’t think it was worth the risk

OP posts: