got thru xmas now just had new year row

[LadyHoward]

well, to be fair , not a row
but i very patiently pointed out to my dad that when he gripes at us for saying "watch his hand' "watch his head" whilst he walks DS around it is only the same as he does with us

he has no idea how he sounds.....a constant record of commands and comments. well, ive put up with it for years and years and either freaked out in major row (which he doesnt understand) or just withdrawn and got angrier

but tonite i just said, dad, do you realise thats what you do to us all the time - and he stormed off and said well you look after him then (childish or wot eh)

at first driving home i was so elated that id calmly told him this home truth, now i feel guilty cos i know he had a good heart and probably feels attacked

dad stuff cuts deep eh, family stuff, grrrr, and i thought id done so well to be calm and now im fretting and wondering if it was worth it

mum was in tears when i left
o well, not looking for answers just wanted to post and be heard !

Yes - Funny isn't it - my Dad tells every one what to do - but he throws one if any one makes the tinyest suggestion to him!

We all have our funny ways!

Will he have forgotten all about by the morning? I hope so - Happy new year xxx

Maybe a bit depressing but, my dad used to do that all the time but then when he died just over a year ago, I wished I could hear him say it now!! i am sure it will be fine next time you speak to him/see him, good luck

o goodness so sorry to hear your dad died, i miss my grandad so much, i cant imagine my dad not being here - thats put things in perspective thank u and i will try and be less in need of pointing out his faults cos i dont think hes going to change and he does look bewilderd sometimes when i have a go - i guess i have to be the grown up in all of this . thanks again xx

and simplyred thanks for your reply too, i logged on an hour again whilst breast feeding and it cheered me up - thanku xx

I know what you mean about it always being a bit of a double edged sword between saying what you think and risking upsetting others or keeping quiet and making yourself upset with it nagging away. I do believe things are best out in the open but we (women especially)are programmed to take care of others including their feelings so it is hard not to feel guilty afterwards, especially when it comes to family where everyone's emotions are bound up to a degree with each others.

It doesn't sound like you said anything very much at all and your dad's reaction was quite extreme. He will get over it and you will be glad later that you said something about it and don't have to keep bickering over the same point.

Parents will never stop being parents. He will always feel entitled to tell you what to do because he's your dad. On the other hand, you telling him what to do stands the world on its head. Just accept that however old you get you will always be his little girl, and however much you know you'll never get away with knowing more than him.

Anyway, he didn't knock your head off when you were small, did he - so you can probably trust him to mind your son's. (But like all cautious parents you should still be ready to sprint across the room if anything dangerous looks like it's going to happen - just don't make it too obvious!)

thank u ladies

wise words and appreciate the advice

update is that mum says dad feels he cant do right for doing wrong with me

i feel sorry for him and am going to try and ignore his rigidity and just be accepting

all a big learning curve this life/families/emotions thingy

good to share it all on here and thanks for being there, i appreciated it x