Can't do it anymore

[gustofwind]

Name changer, will try not to drip feed.

I really need to know that I am doing the right thing... I need to know if anyone has been in my position and how you managed to stay 'together' mentally.

I've been married for 13 years, to a man who I love and still do. We've had some of the most amazing times I could have ever wished for. We have 2 dc.

However, he has a problem with drink, drugs and rank online sex chat profiles. It's been constant. I have caught him every time my instinct tells me to look. The first time I found out was by accident, I've never been one to snoop.

I have tried and tried and tried to talk to him about it. I have trusted and trusted and trusted him not to do it again. It's finally the end of the line for me and I've told him so. Here is the tricky part. He tells me he had no idea that I meant what I was saying... for all of those years. (I think because I have been seen to allow it just by forgiving him.) He is utterly devastated. And I want to be kind to him and our dcs. Especially the dc's. They love their dad and he loves them...

I don't know how. I am scared. Really scared for me, the dcs and him. He's not unstable or anything, it's not that - it's just the anxiety of the change about to hit us.

Any words of wisdom?

Such wise words. Exactly what I need. It's hard for me to get online at the moment, sorry for late replies.

Fantastic, I think that's exactly right - I do need to stop all conversations with him about it. It's everything he has done.

Your straight talking. Just like my friend. Like - WAKE UP WOMAN!

He left on Saturday, ended up basically sleeping rough because he says he has no friends. It's true I think. All the people he associates with are to do with drugs. He has hundreds of people around him; they all enable each other. So he was back on Sunday smelling of booze, freezing cold and playing the victim. I have told him I need to see him get better, not watch him - see him from somewhere other than here.

I do know. I do see. I do feel powerful. But I am also so sad.

I'm mostly scared of faltering. I have to fight the urge to help him don't I?

Hell yes you do.
WTF is he back?
I can see he is full of regret... NOT!
Get him gone and please be strong.
You have put up with a lot and your opening post is very telling.

He tells me he had no idea that I meant what I was saying
No - because you never followed through. You allowed him to treat you like shite for years and years with no consequences. Why on earth would he think you DID mean it, because actually, you didn't.

If you don't follow through properly this time he will have 'no idea' again because he has got away with it.
Seriously. Your poor DC being brought up in a home with an alcoholic and a drug addict.
You only have to hear some of the stories on here from people who have been where your DC are and how it has affected them.

Do yourself and your DC a favour and kick him out, as far away as possible.

He chose to sleep rough. Anyone else would have got a hotel room whilst organising a flat or room to rent. I bet he didn't. Or if he did it's because he got wankered and fell asleep on a bench.

Basically, he's guilt tripping you to make you take him back. His tears are for himself, not for all the pain he has caused you. This is just another version of his selfish, hurtful behaviour.

Why not flip it? Why can't he do what is right to help you? Stay away, sort himself out, get a flat and stop guilt tripping you. If he freezes to death he will be hrting his dc too. Parents need to put themselves last, not first. He sounds anti-social and this won't ever change.