Relationships across cutural divides

[bottleblonde]

Hello.
My brother has been seeing his gf for a year, he is 26 and she is the first gf I've seen him serious about (she is 27). His gf's father and extended family don't know about the relationship because my brother is white and his gf is Indian (Hindu). My family have met her and think she is lovely but we don't see much of her because she has to lie and sneak around as the relationship is secret (she still lives with her father and sisters). From what I can gather my brother wants her to tell her family about him but she won't until he commits to marriage (which he doesn't want to do yet) Anyone had any experience of this (directly or indirectly?) My brother seemed down over Xmas and I wasn't sure how best to support him

I don't have experience of this directly, but I have a couple of friends who are Hindu, one is going out with a white man and the other with a Hindu man, both fairly long term relationships (couple of years) and neither of them have told their families. They said they won't until they get engaged.

I'm sometimes amazed by how many lies they tell their families about where they're going and who with, getting friends to cover for them, etc but I think its a difficult situation if her family are very strict. Maybe your brother is down because he thinks she can't be that serious about him if she won't tell her family, but it sounds as though she probably is but just isn't sure how her parents will react.

Sorry thats probably not much help but hope your brother and his girlfriend sort things out.

I have a Hindu friend who has been seeing a Muslim man (they've finished now). Prior to that she was seeing a Sikh man for about 8 years. Her family are unaware of any of her relationships as they would prefer her to marry a Hindu man. I think its fairly commonplace to not divulge inter-faith relationships to the family because of things like this.

I think the best way to support your brother is to tell him not to take it personally and to read up more about her faith and cultural beliefs - she potentially has a lot to lose whereas your brother has nothing at all to lose

My friend (white) was seeing his Hindu girlfriend for 3 years, including living together before she told her parents. They stopped speaking to her for a couple of years, but then bridges were built and they got married. She didn't want to get married without the support of her family.

I second jampots advice.

Thanks, there aren't any easy answers to this one I guess. Her sister is seeing a hindu man but he is from the 'wrong' part of Indian so that is a secret too. Just seems such a shame that they can't just have a 'normal' boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.