Drunk angry dh

[Lost27]

I don't know what to do. Dh has just woken me up screaming and shouting. He has drunk 2 bottles of wine and broken the bedroom door. He is saying horrible stuff about my mum and killing himself in the car. I asked him bot to shout as he would wake the kids and he said he didn't give a shit. He has just been driving the car and got back. We argued downstairs and I said I am not accepting this behaviour. I feel like I need to get the kids away from him. Should I wake them and drive them to my mums? Or will he shout and it affect them for ever? What if he comes back upstairs?

Do I forgive this behaviour as it is not him. What I mean is he is usually very loving and sweet but does occasionally get cross and lose it wheb drunk. He had a bad day at work and I wen t to bed early so our relationship is suffering as we have a newborn he feels isolated from us. I don't know what to do.

Isolated after the birth? Sorry but to me that sounds like having a tantrum because he's no longer the centre of attention.

there is no way I would allow an angry drunk into a house with a newborn.

Talk to your mum when you see her. Be honest. Don't minimise what's happened. Let her help you.

'Nobody's there for him'? Well boo bloody hoo. How is he 'being there for you' as you're recovering from the birth, if his idea of support is to get drunk and violent?

He's having a man tantrum because you are preoccupied with a baby and being 'mum' aka sensible and caring, and he wants your attention so seeks it by throwing his weight around, being selfish, inconsiderate smashing things up and being rude, childlike and throwing sulky strops.

Unfortunately given his size, strength and loudness he is actually quite dangerous to be around especially as he knows he can do a lot of damage physically and emotionally to you or your dc.

He chooses to frighten you all as it makes him feel powerful and makes you all respect him, cower from him and feel powerless and vulnerable.

Only you know if you can live and cope with an unpredictable manchild who doesn't want to grow up, face his responsibilities and behave sensibly as a dh and father, but chooses to drink and lose it.

If you don't have a zero tolerance approach to his drunken destructive behaviour then you are giving him the green light to carry on like that.

If he is not apologetic and saying to you omg I am so sorry I will never touch alcohol again as I can't handle it then you have a DANGEROUS situation on your hands and your dc will be removed from your care if you are seen as protecting him and not protecting them from such violence as everyone knows it just escalates if they are able to get away with it.

It won't be long before a neighbour reports any commotion and then you'll have the police on your hands anyway. It is far better to log it with them as a precaution and then hopefully that will help your dh seek help.

I know everything you are saying is true. I have thought most of these things myself. I Def can't let him think this is Ok or one day it will affect my dc . Got to have big conversations and changes. Am at my mums for a few days now. Thanks for the support and kind words I need to be strong for my dc

Just read this thread back and it seems obvious what I need to dom if this was happening to someone else o would be saying what u are. The only thing stopping me is that this doesn't happen elveryboften maybe 6 to 10 times a year depending on events. The rest of the time he is caring to me and dc. How do I get hin to cut this angry drinking out of our lives?

You can not. It has to be HIS choice. He chooses not to see the damage he has inflicted. He chooses to blame you, his colleague, his work, anything other than HIM for causing him to behave like that.

He is immature though which is why he cannot man up, see the probem he has and do something about it.

All you can do is protect yourself and your dc. Hopefully your mother tiger instinct will kick in and you will not be reeled in for more unpredictable abuse.

6-10 times a year is absolutely loads for getting that drunk and out of control.

"Not very often" would be twice EVER.

This is a regular, almost monthly habit.

That is way, way too much.

If it's up 10 times a year that's almost once a month! He's an alcoholic. Save yourself and your kids, please leave.

6 or 10 times a year is very often.

How do I get hin to cut this angry drinking out of our lives? You mean how do you change him into the husband you want him to be but he clearly isn't interested in being? He wants to change you too: into a someone that will treat him like a little emperor at all times and let him behave like one too. You've given all the power to him with your question. Try this alternative question that puts the power in your own hands: How do I cut out this angry drinking from our lives.

Please don't say he's a great dad. He had a bad day at work so was violent, drove drunk and swore at yoy. He's a fucking monster.

He is not caring. He is keeping you available for his outbursts of aggression by sweetening you up in between times

He is a nasty, controlling, dangerous man who shouldn't be near any of you

You are in an abusive relationship. You owe it to your kids to get out of it.

6 to 10 times a year depending on events So could be monthly.

I have been married nearly 40 years and this has never happened in my marriage even once.

The fact that he drove whilst so drunk would have been enough for me. You cannot let your children be exposed to such a man.

Take your children to your mum's.Whilst you're there look into what benefits you would be entitled to and LTB.

At best, six times a year is once every eight weeks.

Nice - so as soon as he recovers from one selfish blowout that results in terrifying his family, the 56 day countdown begins until the next one, yeah?

You know what you need to do. And if not for you, for the safety of your children.

I think you are right about changing the question. I feel really sad that i have become the person who puts up with this. I know I can't let my children experience it. I have Def been minimising it in my own mind too and I know he does. Right... next steps.

Good Lost, you are taking the power back.

Write down a list of the steps you need to take based on the advice given here and other similar threads where the unpredictable selfish tyrannical father is wrecking any chance of a beautiful, peaceful, fun, safe and happy home life for innocent, happy, loved beautiful dc to be raised in.

If he can't see the need to apologise, change his ways WITHOUT BEING TOLD then keep WELL away.

His poison will ruin your life and those of your dc as soon as you let it.

For their sakes report him to the police, take photo's of the damage and keep it as a record and a log. Police involvement will give him the wake up call he seriously needs.

You say he has done this 6-10 times a year, for how many years?

Have you kept a log of what happens each time? If you haven't you need to go over the history carefully and write it all down with dates too if you have them.

You need to empower yourself because without that your poor dc are going to be totally frightened, lost and vulnerable and their childhood wrecked.

Take back your self respect, your authority, your control and your peace of mind.

Let us know when you have reported it to the police. They will have a chat with him and possibly point him to an anger management course.

Good luck op

Good luck x

Hope all is ok with you lost.

This is your lightbulb moment. Use it as the moment you said 'no more'. You are doing this for your children, aswell as yourself.

You don't have to explain anything to him. Get some advice from womensaid. Ask your mum to come over and stay.