Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Am I being oversensitive?

20 replies

sameshitdifferentyear · 31/12/2006 10:55

Last night I asked DH if he was devoted to me. Don't know why, just asked him. He replied, in all seriousness, "no I'm not devoted to you, why would I be devoted to you?" Talk about questions better left unasked. Now, he's not the type of bloke to play the field or have affairs or anything, and I'm not a bad wife, and I'm understandably upset by his response and haven't really spoken to him since. He doesn't connect the two, he always quickly forgets these conversations, so he thinks I'm just huffy about something. Is he an arse or am I being oversensitive?

OP posts:

Carmenere · 31/12/2006 10:59

He is an arse and you are being oversensitive.

NurseyJo · 31/12/2006 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sameshitdifferentyear · 31/12/2006 11:04

Probably right on both counts. Just wanted to add, that compared to a lot of posts on this section, my post will be insignificant.

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 31/12/2006 11:04

Over sensensitive. It's just words. I am not sure a devoted man would be that fun to live with. It has a sort of strange cloying feel to the word. Count your lucky stars he isn't.

JoolsToo · 31/12/2006 11:07

are you 'Grease' fan?

You're being oversensitive, like the lady said - odd question to ask!

Original poster

sameshitdifferentyear · 31/12/2006 11:15

I like Grease, but that's not why I asked! Oh, it's silly really, he brought me a cup of hot chocolate (which, incidentally, I'd asked for) last night, and when he put it down, I said, jokily, "thank you my dear devoted husband." Then I asked him, seriously, if he is devoted to me and that's when I got my answer. I know what you mean about it having a cloying quality, but tbh, I've always felt devoted to him. I've had 'opportunities' which I've never taken up due to that reason. Perhaps it's me being the arse! I was just a bit shocked and upset at his reply.

OP posts:

lulumama · 31/12/2006 11:27

devoted does have slightly off, slavish connotations...of course he loves you, he was also probably taken aback by the question in teh context of him bringing you a drink

not talking to him, especially if as you say, he won;t connect the not talking with the devoted comment..is a wee bit counter productive

WigWamBam · 31/12/2006 11:28

What do you take the word to mean? Maybe his idea of devoted isn't the same as yours.

My understanding of devotion is that it means being totally dedicated to something to the exclusion of everything else - and given that, I wouldn't want anyone to be devoted to me, or me to be devoted to them!Personally I'm happy with faithful, loving, kind and considerate ... you can have all of those things without devotion.

Talk to him ... he'd probably be horrified if he thought you were so upset by this.

3Ddonut · 31/12/2006 11:30

If I asked my dh he'd say the same, but he wouldn't be serious, are you sure your dh wasn't just being sarcastic in his response?

fullmoonfiend · 31/12/2006 11:31

Dur, he's a bloke!

A devoted bloke sounds like a floppy, weak puppy dog (I lurve you, I don't know what you're doing or why I'm here but I reeely reeeely lurve you)IYKWIM.
Does he love and respect you? That's more like it...

Dior · 31/12/2006 11:32

Message withdrawn

CheeryGarcia · 31/12/2006 11:33

Does he act devoted (whatever that means to you)? Does he behave in a devoted way (again, whatever that means to you)?

I have come to pay much less attention to what's said than to what's done - actions speak much louder than words in my book!

themildmanneredjanitor · 31/12/2006 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sameshitdifferentyear · 31/12/2006 11:38

Yes, he does love me and (I think) he respects me. Perhaps, as some of you have said, I've just put too much emphasis on the word. He's definately not the puppy dog type, my BIL is, and DH and I both find this quite sickly. I'm probably being insecure.

OP posts:

WanderingTrolley · 31/12/2006 12:06

I think you're putting more into the term "Devoted" than he is getting out.

I think that he brought you hot choc says more about your relationship than your differing understandings of a word.

Tell him you're not huffy about anything and start speaking to him again.

Next time, lower the bar.

"Darling, do you think I'm sort of alrightish?"

QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 31/12/2006 12:09

God, Id be mad. I don't think you're being oversensitive! Why is it so wrong to expect devotion from your husband? Unless I have a differnet meaning to the word? Ill go google it...

QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 31/12/2006 12:11

the , janitor did it. Well... maybe not giving all energy to one cause, and only one cause like im some sort of dictator, but definatly the loyal bit! Id expect DH to answer yes darling anyway, just to keep the peace

QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 31/12/2006 12:12

that was supposed to be

oh, the janitor did it...

oranges · 31/12/2006 12:15

lol at

Next time, lower the bar.

"Darling, do you think I'm sort of alrightish?"

Original poster

sameshitdifferentyear · 31/12/2006 12:38

Yeah, that's probably the safer option!! Well, I asked him about it, and he said that his answer came out all wrong. I think I sprang the question on him and he just gave a kneejerk answer. Anyway, it's all okay now. He's doing the kitchen now, and I've realised that if he's devoted to the diswasher then that's enough to be going on with!!!

OP posts:

Flip