Hi, reading through some of the posts on this site really resonate with me. My mother is still alive, I am an adult, have two married sons, three grandsons and one granddaughter. I have had a "strained" relationship with my mother for most of my life and just thought that we were opposites and sometimes relationships are like that. She was always quite controlling i.e. I WOULD take my 11+, I WOULD train to become a secretary and I WOULD NOT marry my boyfriend who is now my husband of 40 years.
When our sons reached middle school age we decided to move abroad - I don't know what pushed me to move away but I guess I was feeling that this was the only way I'd be able to make decisions on my own.
Since moving away she has insisted I phone her on a weekly basis - even when we were trying to make a new life and money was getting short, I obeyed her orders.
I have lately begun to realise that she has perhaps just never loved me. For her, and she tells me often even though now she has Alzheimers, a daughter is born to care for her parents in their old age. A son (my brother) can live his life and do as he wants and she has nothing to say about anything he does - although she has rubbed his nose in my success over the years which has resulted in me having no contact with him since the death of my father 5 years ago. He is also of the opinion that I should never have moved away and that I should be there to look after her. He got a Power of Attorney over her financial affairs just after Dad died without my knowledge - I only found out by doing a search of the Office of the Public Guardian. He has recently been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, I wrote him an email (on the advice of his daughter as she said she wasn't sure he'd talk to me on the phone) saying how sorry I was to hear the news and there has been absolutely no response.
My quandary is this - fight or flight. Do I continue to ring her and listen to her nastiness (she still lives at home and my brother's daughter is caring for her) or do I say to hell with it and cut off all ties and live the rest of my life in peace. I have thought practically of nothing else since my Dad died (we were very much alike and had the same points of view). It is clear I am not wanted by either of them (mum or brother) and I feel like I jut want to live my life as though they weren't there.
I know this is long and if you have managed to reach the end, I thank you for reading and if you have any guidance to offer I would so love to hear it.