Partner keeps bringing up termination really hurting me

[Tryagain92]

Hi all. I had a termination 4 yrs ago as I was about to start university and knew I couldn't cope and seriously it was the hardest decision of my life

My partner begged me to not do it.. At the time I didn't know why. Then I found out it was because he knew that if I had a baby he'd be able to stay in the country (hes not from the uk!!)

Since I finished uni, we tried again to get pregnant in 2013 but ended up being ectopic. Then again in may 2015 but it was another ectopic, had a chemical last month and im pregnant again.. So far so good. They saw a gest sac! Anyway he had a couple of drinks and then all of a sudden he brings up the abortion, talking about how old the child would be etc. I got very angry and basically told him to shut his f...king mouth then I said you carry on drinking and drown your sorrows because you're a sad loser. I don't mean to be harsh but it really angers me. He blames all my complications on my termination! I dont even know why im with him but even looking at him right now, he really makes my blood boil. I dont know how much longer i can keep up with all of this :'(

I dont even know why i am with him. I am completely and utterly trapped.

I don't understand why you're staying with this individual when he sees getting you pregnant a means to an end namely being able to stay in the country.
Obnoxious twat.

Keep the baby if you want to, but FFS lose the man.

If this is all he's done I'm not sure how it's abusive. It was his child too, who else can he talk to about it?

There is talking and then there is drunken ranting which the OP implies happened. I am not sure that she would have had a go at him if this was a tearful "I hope this baby makes it, I often think of our other baby and how old it would be...." which would be understandable.

And the "I will give up drinking when the baby is born" is a MASSIVE red flag. If drinking means so little then why not stop now?

'A couple of drinks' doesn't sound that drunken to me, but maybe.

On the other hand she does swear at him and call him a loser.

Just doesn't sound that cut and dried to me, not from this one piece of information.

But I think we can all agree that they probably shouldn't have persisted in trying to conceive, and certainly shouldn't stay together given that they don't seem to like each other at all.

I had an abortion. Not long ago. If my partner ever took it upon himself to get drunk and slate me for the most difficult thing I've ever suffered through, he'd be lucky the relationship would be the only thing that's over.

He'd be lucky to have all his fucking teeth.

Bogeyface... now that's what grates. Turn it the other way around, a man saying what OP did... and why should HE have to do a tearful 'I hope this baby makes it...'? OP chose to terminate, her rights as they should be - he didn't get to choose but that doesn't mean he has to like it either.

Both are probably not in a good place but OP, by dint of being a woman, gets to make all the decisions. I can see where the anguish/anger is coming from, from both - but not really understand why they're together at all, they seem to HATE each other and probably should both walk away from each other now before the child is born.

I find it difficult to understand why the OP has stayed with a man who sees her as a means to gain a UK passport and why she's continued to have unprotected sex with him even though she herself says "I dont even know why i'm with him".

My fears and my sympathies are solely confined to any dc of this relationship who is destined to grow up liistening to their father's drunken rants and their mother effing and blinding at him.

The dc will effectively be living in a warzone with dps who loathe each other and, worse, their df may eulogise the older sibling(s) that were never born to an extent where the dc's life is blighted by their failure to live up to those who would have been perfect if only they'd lived. .