I have put this in relationships because it's really about relationships, but I was wondering if I could hear experiences from anyone who has has a nervous breakdown or major depression and how it affected relationships?
I was married and very happily and he had a nervous breakdown and just left and started a new life. I tried very hard to help him but he changed completely and said he didn't have room to care about / look after anyone but himself and made it clear that he saw me and his stepkids as a burden.
I always thought he loved us, that we were the happy part of his life and not a burden so it has been difficult to understand it all.
He left and processed a divorce without even really seeing me at all bar a couple of phone calls and I do know he was quite ill with his depression and took a long time in recovery.
He now has a new life where he lives alone and says he does what he wants to do and only thinks about himself. I never really talk to him, haven't for a year or so but always thought that when he got better he would feel bad for what he lost but it seems he doesn't.
I phoned him today and he sounded as if I was just a stranger and someone he barely knew and he said he wa different now and put himself first and he is happy.
The inference somewhere in there is that I was a burden, that it was my fault he was ill and it's very hard to get to grips with how he saw me that way when I saw a very happy marriage between two people who loved and supported and card for each other.
I go over the tick boxes of what makes a good marriage and I think we had it all. Few arguments, agreed on most things, he was better at some things, I was better at others, we were both good parents who put the kids first, we were friends and could talk about anything, we had a fantastic sex life and we were affectionate and prioritised the other one.
He took care of me, in many way (financially, was quite protective) and I took care of him in other ways (emotionally, supportive) and overall we were just a great team as I saw it and thought he saw it the same way.
He'd never told me anything about our life was making him unhappy and as far as I knew he couldn't have been happier in terms of our relationship. I knew he looked after me a fair bit in a lot of ways but this was always the way he wanted it, from day one he liked it being like that and I feel like I loved and cared for him in every way I knew how.
He got ill and within a few weeks made the decision to leave and wouldn't talk about why or whatever was going through his head. He said he just had to get away and I always thought he would be back.
I see now he just decided that us, me, the children and out life was something he didn't want and I just wondered if anyone has experienced anything with depression or breakdowns that leads to this sort of thing.
He always said that he left because he had a breakdown, but I wondered, if he knew that...why leave?
In the aftermath of things, it's like he just ceased to care about me at all.
I haven't been able to have a new relationship and can't see any possibility on the cards of me ever being able to until I make my peace with this. I would just be looking at my new partner all the time wondering what I didn't know.