It's been a long while since I last posted but suffice to say I wasn't in a good place about a year and a half ago. My DH was drinking excessively and id got to breaking point. The money situation was dire as well. He obviously realised after I laid into him after one particular incident when he came home steaming and put food on to cook and left it to burn whilst we were all asleep upstairs. After that I went all out to get a job - made redundant the year before. He stopped drinking after that incident and got a more reliable job as well. Our youngest has unfortunately then had serious illnesses over the last year which obviously has pressured the situation but on the other hand has made us just get through it day to day and focus on the children.
My youngest is not far from turning 2 and seems - touch wood - to have turned a corner.
Over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking more and more of our situation now. My DH hasn't drunk since he stopped a year and a bit ago. I doubt that's a permanent thing but still he has stopped for now which is what I asked for.
The remainder of our issues - equal input into money/housework/childcare etc isn't there. He rarely does anything in the house, he's still got a temper and his attitude to money is still not great. He still doesn't make much effort over hygiene. We clash over discipline and approach to finances. We've also had several major conversations re me working as he thinks it negatively impacts on us as a family and the childcare cost swallows my wage anyway. I'm not even going there in terms of becoming dependent on a man again which I have said to him. We haven't had a physical relationship for a few years - the children are my focus admittedly which may be impacting my drive but the lack of hygiene and effort definitely doesn't make me want to do anything.
My question is at what stage is a relationship beyond the point where anything can be done. We've talked about money and discipline and essentially agree to disagree. I find it difficult to address the hygiene issue other than saying to him on occasion he smells and to wash/have a shower/brush his teeth. At the moment I'm making plans for the end - I've got the job security now, have family support and other than considering the children think we'd both be happier apart. I still have resentment over things in the past, essentially don't trust he won't go back to drinking even though it's been a while and can't rely or trust him from a financial security perspective so that's not a good base to work from is it?