please help

[Inneedofadvice553]

My dp has let me down so badly tonight. I am a lone parent to a school age child. Been with my dp 3.5 years. we do not live together due to my partners fear of commitment,
I have given everything recently in terms of spending a lot of time with dps family on a holiday
Tonight we were supposed to be at a mutual friends birthday. I am long term unwell so couldn't go so dp agreed to stay with me tonight, my dd is at her grandparents
During the course of today dd has become very unwell and grandparents are talking about taking her to emergency doctor tonight.
My dp decided last min to cancel on me, citing the birthday party more important than a romantic meal (bought and in the car on the way to mine) due to having family issues.
I am now home alone so worried about my dd---have offered to drive to grndparents but it is 4 hours away and they have said not until the morning despite taking her to the doctor tonight.
I just can't understand how my dp (childless) can leave me alone and in tears so dp can party at a friends party who has been my friend for twice the length he has known dp.

I understand dp has had a difficult day with their parents mental health issues but I feel totally let down as a partner on one level and to now find out dd is quite sick I cant understand why dp is not here supporting me.
am I selfish to want dp here even though I know dp has had a difficult day? I don't know what to do. want to ring dp and scream, I want to be with my dd, I don't know what to do

this was the same dp who said on a 12 hour day time flight with my dd that she was taking a sleeping tablet 4 hours in in order to get 7 hours hours sleep leaving me to deal with dd.

dp clearly isn't interested in anything other than herself

It sounds like there's a mismatch between the support you want from your partner and what she's prepared to offer you.

You probably need a serious conversation about what you both expect from the relationship and if you don't like what she says, you have a hard decision to make.

dp clearly isn't interested in anything other than herself

So why are you continuing this one sided relationship? You made a long trip to see her family yet she can't even commit to living with you? Come on, you need to see through all that. Don't settle for this part time relationship. You deserve much better and your dd needs to have someone who is supportive in her life.

I think you need to separate the issues here.

The point about you awaiting an operation is irreverent. Stressful, yes, but not a reason somebody should sit in with you on a Saturday night.

There's nothing DP can do to help with your DD's illness, so that's another irreverent point. As a previous PP said, if it was that serious, GPs would tell you to go tonight.

The real issue here is that DP bailed on you at the last minute and that's not ok. It's unfair to buy food, travel to yours then change her mind on the way. That's shitty behaviour and I'd have to pull her on it.

But I agree there's a mismatch here. Your DD is your responsibility and it doesn't appear that your DP is ready to take on the responsibility of parenthood, using the flight scenario as an example.

This one night of shitty behaviour though doesn't mean you shouldn't have made an effort with DP's family. Again, that's not really relevant. It's not tit for tat in relationships.